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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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A Abe A paragon of Conservative Values. If Abe were still around he wouldn’t put up with Liberal crap about “sacrifice for the sake of Posterity.” Nope, he’d be rolling out Tax Cuts bigtime! Abomination According to Bush judgeship Nominee William Pryor, the precedent established by Roe vs. Wade. Of course, he’ll still support the American judicial tradition of Honoring precedent (Wink-Wink!). Absolutes A word Conservatives associate with their Moral Values, for example “Victory” and “Power.” Abortion A colloquial term meaning “a royal screw-up that leaves a big Mess” (see Iraq). Abramoff 1. Who? 2. (Archaic) In olden times (i.e., before his Indictment), the GOP’s star lobbyist. Abstinence A sacrament of the Church of Conservatism. It’s our holy Tenet to abstain from nothing. Conservative Officeholders having a Free hand to dictate that only Scientific teachings without Weaknesses be allowed.Access Fee 1. The $100 a consumer pays to get cable. 2. The $100,000 a producer pays to get Bush. Either gets you a very satisfying connection. Accident How we Excuse instances when Liberals catch us being ourselves, like when Evolutionary Biology was “accidentally” deleted from the list of majors getting Federal funding. Accountability Something a Conservative freely accepts, as long as every piece of related information is plopped neatly packaged in his lap and he Remembers getting it. Being Incurious is a big help. Accountable The idea that you should Pay for your Mistakes. We support the concept in Principle (i.e., for Democrats) but it’s otherwise Theoretical since we don’t make mistakes. Accounting The concept that debits have to equal credits. While this may be necessary for untrustworthy organizations like small business, it is clearly much too limiting for large corporations and particularly for Government. Acid Rain Another Liberal exaggeration. If it really rained acid everything would have melted away by now. Besides, who wants rain that tastes like baking soda? Acting Alone A ding we get from Liberals all the time when they Whine about our approaches to Diplomacy. They’ve got it all Wrong! It’s being alone in not acting that’s our preferred Strategy (see Climate Change). Action Another name for Combat. Our version of Newton’s Law is that every action produces a corresponding Reelection. Activist What we call Liberals when they try pale imitations of our Grandstanding. Actor A professional skilled at bringing fiction to life by speaking his lines with sincerity and conviction. In other words, the perfect Conservative politician! Acts of Faith How Conservatives serve God. Also called Acts of Congress. Additional Techniques McCain’s addition to the Debate on Torture. His specific contribution, yet again building on Bush’s pioneering advances to the practice of American Governance, is to add another Happy Talk euphemism to accompany Bush’s “Enhanced Interrogation.” (Neither should be confused with “refined interrogation techniques,” the Gestapo’s preferred term). Admirable A word used by Bush to describe being deep in a dark hole, for example when he said in response to Greenspan “our fiscal record is admirable.” Advantage Something that provides a benefit, for example the GOP’s Health Plan. Why that name (considering it Costs more without providing better care?) It’s that big advantage in HMO Campaign Contributions, duh! Adventure A type of novel targeted for the juvenile market. The classic of this genre is Treasure Island. Our favorite is Incurious George’s Arabian Adventure. Advice and Consent A Constitutional requirement for Presidents to confer with Senators to identify the most qualified Nominees. As if Bush needed help from a body that’s half Liberal! If we wanted their advice we’d Torture it out of them. Afghanistan A shining example of what happens when GOP-style capitalism is unleashed. Exports under the Taliban were lowest of any country in the world, while Afghanistan is now the world’s leading exporter of opium. Agriculture The Great Cycle of Life, whereby tiny seeds, nourished by rich soil, the golden sun, soft rains, and Government Subsidies grow into a bountiful harvest of Campaign Contributions. Ahmadinejad The President of Iran, Earth’s only Foreign Country with no Homosexuals. In that respect it’s exactly like the GOP members of the Senate. Aide 1. A Clinton-era conspirator requiring energetic scrutiny, Investigation, and prosecution. 2. A trusted GOP Presidential advisor whose communications must be protected from Partisan witch-hunts so that they can be frank and honest (in the event that President Bush might someday be in the mood for an opinion he hasn't already Decided on). Aircraft Carrier A big boat from which planes take of and land in the middle of the ocean. Bush’s new head of Iraq Strategy knows them inside out. It’s the perfect background to Fight a Civil War in the Desert, since he won’t be distracted by experience when helping Rove map out our way Forward for Victory. Airlines With Interstates, the means by which People in Red States get around, making both a prime target for Government Subsidies. Airstrike An efficient way of Winning Hearts and Minds in a Civil War. A Warhead would probably be even better. Maybe if the Surge doesn't work... Alaska America’s leading per-capita consumer of Pork, thanks to their energetic GOP congressional delegation. Tops on the menu is their Bridge to nowhere. Alberto The first name of Gonzales, the most effective Presidential Counsel in History. He gained this distinction through his Success at avoiding the prosecution of Bush Administration figures. This was particularly notable in the latter portion of his tenure, coinciding with assumption of authority to Fire Prosecutors (the most important of a set of additional responsibilities known collectively as “the Attorney Generalship.)” Alert A periodic advisory from the Department of Homeland Security that Liberals can't be trusted to prevent another 9/11. Not used for actual Security situations, e.g. poisoned mail. Alito A form of Cooking noted for its bland presentation inevitably followed by raging heartburn. Most often associated with the dish Roe Alito. All In If you’ve got a great hand (see Iraq), a big pot (see treasury), the Conviction that comes with certainty, and, most of all, love of Bold Action (see Cowboy), it’s the only kind of Gamble you make. OK, maybe Bush doesn’t have a great hand, but three out of four ain’t bad! All the Kids Do It The inspiration for the Bush Administration Policy not to enforce Environmental Laws on Global Warming as long as Foreign Countries like China and India pump out their own greenhouse gases. While this Strategy didn’t Work with Georgie’s Mom, he has high hopes that the Earth at large is now ready to appreciate his Logic. Allusion A fancy word for Comparing one thing to another, for example Iraq to Viet Nam, like Bush recently did. It’s no coincidence he pronounces it the same as “illusion.” Ally A Foreign County that fully agrees with US Policy (including Aspirational Time Horizons), as opposed to an Al-lie, a supposed ally who spreads unTruths about Democrat Cut and Run Surrender timetables. Alternative Energy An issue that shows how Wrong People often are about McCain’s positions. When Liberals say he’s obsessed with Tax Cut proposals, we can point to McCain’s Votes against Tax breaks for Energy that doesn’t come from Oil. America 1. The United States. 2. Yep, the good old U.S. of A. 3. OK, there are those other Foreign Countries. Americans Will Die 1. The standard phrase, most recently used by Scalia, to justify any given Policy on Terrorism, whether directly related (see 9/11) or Bogus (see Iraq). This concern for US Life does not extend to Preventing other kinds of American Death (see Screening). 2. The phrase not used by Scalia in a Supreme Court opinion just a few days later, even though the number of American Deaths from his killing of Gun controls will be tens of thousands of times greater than the number who have died since 9/11 in domestic Terror attacks (i.e., zero). America’s Anchorman Rush’s name for himself, an allusion to the nautical object that best represents his effect on the national dialogue (hint: blub-blub). AMTRAK The highly energy-efficient means by which the Liberals in Blue States get around. It should eat dirt and die. Anarchy An essential step in the process by which a country gets stronger (see Iraq and New Orleans). Anger Our rocket fuel. It does for our Politics what greed does for our economics. We had a lock on it until it started rubbing off on Liberals. Ann The author who has gotten Conservatives to Pay her to advise them to “always outrage and never apologize, compliment, or show graciousness.” That’s like advising the Earth to keep Spinning! Anna Nicole The latest litigant to appear before the Supreme Court, because 1) her case raises serious Legal issues and 2) Justice Thomas heard she’s casting for her next amateur video, and her first is the gem of his extensive collection! Anniversary The special event during which a husband celebrates his Marriage. While this usually occurs once a year, Bush’s special remembrance of his Base occurs every two years, right before Elections. Anniversary Gift A present a man offers to his beloved as a remembrance of their special Bond. Bush’s usual gift is talking to his Base about banning Homosexual Marriage. Answer A response to Questions, for example how George’s boy would respond to Boy George’s Crying Game lyric “why there are heartaches/why there are tears/and what to do to stop feeling blue/when love disappears?” (His answer to “why” is “Low Polls” and his answer to “what to do” is “Surge.”) Apartheid The Political system where out-of-favor people are denied Voting Rights. In other words, standard GOP Campaign Strategy (see Recount, Florida, Photo ID…) Appeasement Any Foreign Policy Strategy not involving Shooting. April Fool’s Day The Future home of the official George W Bush holiday celebration (see Compassionate Conservatism) Appeasement Making fascists happy. It’s bad (see Rumsfeld) for Islamic fascists, but good (see Rove) for our fascists (see Base). Appeasers People who don't stand up to the kinds of Evil that Hitler practiced, for example Torture, Invasion, and Optional War. Armor What we don’t have in the Military we have (see Rumsfeld.) Army The force you go to War with. Recognizing Reality, Rumsfeld noted that “you go to war with the army you have. They're not the army you might want or wish to have.” It’s been years since the Invasion, though, and we’ve had plenty of Opportunity to get a different army. And we have one! Now we wish we had the army we had before Iraq broke it. Army Chief The position Bush has been urging his buddy Pervez in Pakistan to give up as unnecessary. He even sent an admiral who works for him as Commander in Chief to make the point in person. Arrogance An essential Conservative value. It shows we have the Courage of our convictions. Arsenic An alternative to the wussy minerals in Liberal water. Think of it as the Logical ingredient in a Conservative version of Perrier! Art The creation of a thing of beauty, e.g., a Conservative electoral victory. That's why every four years brings a leap year, a Presidential Election, and our sudden fondness for the National Endowment for the Arts. Short for Another Rule Trashed. Ash Wednesday The beginning of Lent, which we should rename the Feast of St. Ronnie in celebration of his getting Foreign Countries lent out to us. Aspirational Time Horizon A Planning criterion employed as an essential component of any reasonable and well-conceived Military Strategy, as opposed to the Democrat Party’s Cut and Run timetable for Surrender. This is True even if, by coincidence, the time periods happen to be similar. Assassination The latest strategy in Pat Robertson’s quest to eliminate the Separation of Church and State, this time in Foreign Policy. The ultimate would be flattening noisy democratically-elected Leaders of Foreign Countries with those ten-ton Ten Commandments displays the Supreme Court is making us get rid of! Assault Weapon An essential tool for home Defense. Who’s to say that Terrorists won’t assault the premises? We need to be able to assault right back. Assess The act of measuring or evaluating, for example, when the value of a Program is assessed. We use it to evaluate the loyalty of our supporters, starting with collection of their Assessments at the Inaugural Ball. (BTW, we spell it A$$E$$). Assessment A judgment on how well something has gone, like Bush’s recent assessment on his Surge. It derives from the root word “ass,” as in “cover it.” Atheist 1. See Liberal. 2. Anyone not belonging to a proper (i.e. Conservative) Religious Organization. Atkins It does for consumption of food what our budgets do for consumption of Money. We can have the budgetary Red Meat that we enjoy in whatever quantities we want (and we want a lot!) The difference is that we don’t have to shell out for all those steaks (see Borrowing). Atmosphere Handy storage for the portion of Industrial Waste products that happen to be invisible (see Greenhouse Gasses). Out of sight, out of mind. Attorney-Client Privilege The principle that a lawyer’s opinions can be kept Secret. This is an important pillar of Liberty, particularly when that lawyer is a Bush Nominee for the Supreme Court. Attorney General 1. (archaic) The chief Law enforcement officer of the US, who, despite being a Political appointee, is expected to ensure the fundamental principle of equal protection. 2. The chief enforcement Politicization officer of the Bush Administration, a political appointee (see Crony) who is expected to ensure the fundamental principle of Incumbent protection. Augmentation A better way to say escalation, since it’s makes Voters think of Strippers instead of Viet Nam. Autobiography A book that reveals the Character of its author, like Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’s “My Grandfather’s Son,” subtitled “My Uncle Tom’s Nephew.” Awesome A quaint American colloquialism employed by our President to compliment a speech by the Pope. Reflecting the dignity of his Office and the solemnity of the situation, he refrained, Dude, from the traditional follow-on salutation. AWOL An entirely appropriate Military service status for an up-and-coming Conservative Leader. Short for “Awaiting War Operations Lapse.” Axis of Evil Foreign Countries who 1) Have WMD 2) are working on WMD 3) have eliminated their WMD. Category 3 is a high priority for Invasion. |
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