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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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B Babies People whose special vulnerability demands the most extreme measures of protection. This special status ends at birth, when they become just another brat. Baby 1. The kind of person we’ve lined up for the pain of Paying for our Wars, Tax Cuts, corporate Subsidies…the equivalent of all the Government Spending over one of Bush’s terms. 2. Torture, as appropriately used by Condoleeza when talking to the CIA about people lined up for the pain of Paying for Fighting us in Afghanistan, saying “It’s your baby. Go do it.” Baby Boomer The generation whose opposition ended the Viet Nam War. They’ve generally been OK with Iraq, though, since they can’t be drafted this time. Back Door If you don’t have an exit strategy, the back door is the next best thing, since when it’s open you get a Draft! Backdrop A slogan that suffices for Nuance in Bush Administration Speeches (for example, “Mission Accomplished”). Used as a supplement to Stadium Seating behind Bush and Cheney, to label the particular Bush policy that the stacked faces are cheering for. Backward Places like Iraq without modern communications. For example, a week after Voting they’re still killing each other as fast as ever. Apparently they’re so backward that haven’t yet gotten the word that they don’t need to Influence the Election anymore. Bad News A conspiracy between Liberal Politicians and the Liberal Media to disrupt the Republican Story. Since only good can come from Conservative Policies, Logic dictates that any News to the contrary must be Lies. Bailout The plan announced by Bush to Protect People who, exercising bad judgment, Borrowed to the hilt with loans carrying Interest rates bound to go up at some point. In other words, people exactly like his Presidency. Bang for the Buck A measure of efficiency. Given the number of bangs heard over the last two terms (see Preemptive War and Shooters), coupled with reduced number of bucks (see Tax Cuts and Deficits), Future Historians will surely judge Bush’s Administration of Government as the most efficient ever! Bankrupt As applied to Social Security, it means still being able to provide 74% of current benefits. As applied to People, it means they now must personally Pay back the whole Debt run up when they had more Money going out than coming in (for example, for big medical bills). As applied to Bush Administration fiscal practices, well, it's not! Bankruptcy What happens to Citizens when their spending exceeds their Revenues. Conservatives what to make sure that debtors are fully accountable, just like taxpayers will be fully accountable for national Debt as soon as the Generation that ran it up is dead. Ball A gala affair that’s part hoedown, part shakedown. Base A word pronounced, not coincidently, like the musical instrument that makes big sounds when lovingly stroked. Bash To put the spotlight on evil people (see Homosexuals) as a matter or Principle, and also when we need a Diversion. Beacon of Hope The GOP vision for Iraq, just like the Statue of Liberty (hold the Immigrants). Beast The anti-Christ, the horned creature that sticks it to the faithful. Is it a coincidence he’s also called “Gore”? Beer An essential American commodity. How essential? Cindy McCain’s family got its Money not from even making it but from just carrying it around. Belief What a Person holds to be the Truth. Dittoheads are more true to our beliefs than Liberals, since we believe that belief requires Action to make everyone else believe too (or at least Act that way). Happily, God created Government to make this possible. Benchmark The Bush Administration’s term for a new timetable for Iraqis to step up to their commitment to Mission Accomplished. It’s totally different from a deadline, since that would be Cut and Run. Bermuda A shining example for the employment benefits of low corporate Taxes. Bermuda’s world leadership in post box services for US corporate headquarters has created literally dozens of Jobs for them. Bible The companion reference to Roberts Rules of Order for Conservative Legislative procedure. Big Easy The nickname for New Orleans, our model. Not because of the Flooding (although with Global Warming that may be the Future), but because making things easy for People (at the expense of Posterity) is a Vote magnet! Bike A device for spinning wheels in order to end up where you started after expending lots of blood, sweat, and tears. The current enthusiasm of the President, similar to his previous hobby of Optional War. Bill See Satan. Not to be confused with Saint Bill O'Reilly. Biofuel Bush’s State of the Union Solution to Global Warming. It’s a Win-Win because it Earmarks Money to Red State Agriculture even while making the Base happy because it doesn’t reduce any greenhouse gases. In other words, it's Greenwash with all the green funneled to supporters without wasting any on the Earth. Biology A subject whose every topic is embarrassing, from human origins to genetic explanations of human behavior to the human sexual response. Considering how we Hate being embarrassed, maybe you don’t want to be going into this field, if you catch our drift! Bipartisan How we prefer to work with Democrats. From “bi” meaning “two,” it means we need to work to be twice as Partisan as them. Happily, it’s not Hard Work. Bipartisanship Something we’re For (since Voters Love it) as long as we don’t have to Cooperate with anyone who's Wrong on the Issue in Question. Blackwater A GOP Political Action Committee with particular emphasis on the “action” part (through the soldiering it does on the side). It’s the PAC that packs! Blame The act of determining which Liberal was at fault. Blank Check Giving someone the ability to freely withdraw from your bank account. We’re not of course willing to give this Power to Bureaucrats, since Money in Government accounts has to come from Taxes. We’re choosy about who gets a blank check! It only goes to Leaders like President Bush, because 1) he only spends on things that make us Proud to be Americans, and 2) he Borrows it all, so it's Free. Blessing As defined by the Church of Conservatism, a gift directly from God (i.e., not Earned). See Inheritance. Blinders 1. Something a horse wears to Prevent distraction, so he’s not tempted to go in a different direction. 2. Something a Conservative wears (on his sleeve) to prevent distraction (for example, from Reality) so he’s not tempted to go in a different direction (say, giving Stimulus Money to poor people for a Change, on the Theory that they’ll Spend it). Blind Trust The level of confidence in our policies that we expect from our Base. And do they deliver! Only a truly great President could Inspire this level of devotion. Blip Negative news about the Economy. Blood A subject on which Liberals are once again showing confusion. They say the Bush Administration needs new blood, but how could there be more blood on the floor than there already is? Bloodbath A bad thing that happens to a Foreign Country on the same continent as a War we pull out of, for example the Massacres in Cambodia. While we generally don’t care about such things (see Darfur), we’ll latch on if we can use the Comparison to sell Staying the Course. Blue States Coastal regions where the population must spend so much time on the beach that it fries their brains. Bode Someone who attracted an enthusiastic following in an initial performance, only to wither four years later in the face of over-hyped expectations and fallout from his own foolish behavior. Note that one does not have to be Bode to be a Bodeist. In fact, George W Bush is even more a Bode than Bode! Body Counts A metric of progress towards Mission Accomplished that has unaccountably fallen into disuse over the last 25 years. This makes no sense – how can people see the light at the end of the tunnel without them? We’re using them again, of course, so it’s only a matter of time that the public realizes how well things have really been going in Iraq. Bogus The best kind of Policy proposal – the ones that sound good but don’t have to Work. A great example is McCain’s proposal for a Gas Tax holiday when Simple Economics dictates that demand-driven price Increases will eat up the meager Savings. What matter? He got some nice Compassionate Conservatism points, the Oscar of bogus! Bold The quality of Conservative programs that shows we have the Courage to do the Right thing (actually, the far-right thing), even knowing that Liberals will whine. This is actually easier than it looks. Although we act offended by Liberal complaints, it’s really music to our ears. Bold Action President Bush’s standard approach to challenges like Iraq and New Orleans, otherwise known to accountants as “Exploding Deficits.” Bolton The first Dittohead United Nations ambassador. He had all the qualities needed in a Conservative Diplomat (only one, actually): staying on Message. For example, during the recent conflict between Israel and Hezbollah he tirelessly repeated that you can’t reach agreement with Terrorists, up to the very minute the ink was dry on their cease-fire. With him gone, it's a good thing the Military’s got Foreign Policy under control! Bombardment Mitt’s pre-announced Foreign Policy towards Iran. Wisely, he’s not limiting his Options by Promising any particular kind of bombardment. Bombing 1. The heinous urban Combat technique used by Terrorists to indiscriminately kill unlucky bystanders. 2. Our new urban Combat technique for killing Terrorists. (How do we know we’re not indiscriminately killing unlucky bystanders? Because that would look bad.) Bond 1. How we borrow money when our state constitution says we can't run a deficit. How is this different from Federal Deficit spending? Well...uh....got it right here somewhere... 2. Used to tie up someone. We use them to tie up Posterity. Literally, Bilking Our Nonvoting Descendants. 3. A word used to describe pieces of paper, as in “20# bond” or “US Treasury Bond. Bonus A Bounty that reenlisted soldiers have to repay if they’re wounded in Action. We think of it as a market-based approach to reducing Healthcare Costs. Book Contract A temptation of Satan to Sacrifice Loyalty to the Truth in exchange for a pile of Money. Boos and Hisses A common response from the other participants in international conferences when we’re executing our Foreign Policy Choices (for example, at the recent global Climate Change conference). We prefer it to Silence, which might be interpreted as approval. If Foreign Countries agreed with us on anything there would clearly be something Wrong! Book A long work of Fiction or non-fiction. Bush is working on something in the middle: “If I Did a Mistake in Iraq.” OJ’s helping him out with it. Book Deal Laura and Jenna’s latest Hobby, writing about a boy that doesn’t like to read (maybe he's Incurious). Cynics might say they’re taking inspiration from a certain family member, but they’re clearly forgetting how engrossed W was with My Pet Goat on 9/11. Boom The sound made by an Explosion, for example, in the term Baby Boomer. The sound in question is related to the explosion in Government expenses that will occur when they retire, specifically the sound of screaming when the Workers funding these exploding benefits (plus the Debt rolled down to them) start talking about Cutting them. Border The edge where something finally ends, like public support for Bush’s Immigration Policy. Borrowing The preferred means by which Government should be financed. It produces revenues without the need for immoral Taxation. Bounce 1. In physics, the recoil of a plummeting body. The energy of the recoil is proportionate to the velocity of the fall. Shortly after recoil, the plummet resumes. 2. An increase in Poll Results periodically experienced by George W. Bush. Bounty 1. A reward, for example Money Paid for a tip that leads to the apprehension of a wanted Person. 2. A windfall, for example as enjoyed by Afghani’s who cashed in on US offer of $5,000 (a BIG windfall in Afghani dollars) for naming as members of Al Qaeda their obnoxious neighbors, strangers, and just about anybody else whose name they knew. 3. A benefit, for example the Political boost Republicans got from filling up Gitmo with Terrorists apprehended in Afghanistan based on helpful tips from the natives. Boycott Why Muslims aren’t eating Danish for breakfast, just like we’re eating our Freedom Fries with W brand ketchup for lunch. Brains The organ at the center of Ann Coulter’s new book “If Liberals Had Any Brains They’d Be Republicans.” She’s specifically speaking about her own standard-issue GOP brain, which Logically concludes that looking out for Number 1 must take precedence over Posterity, God’s creatures, the Earth, and indeed every single other human being. Bread The staple thrown to Circus crowds to ensure their interest. Ours being a more advanced society, we throw Red Meat instead. Bribery Making Campaign Contributions (for example to a PAC) that end up in a Politician’s household banking account. A Criminal act except when the politician is thoughtful enough to share with his colleagues (see DeLay). Bridge A public works project to expedite getting from one side to the other. Its primary purpose is to get from one side of an Election to the other (see Pork). Bring ‘em On Who says we can’t get Terrorists to do what we want? Brown The former FEMA Crony in Chief. While Liberals are criticizing his appointment, what can you expect from a Government organization that specializes in Disaster? Budget The list of this year’s Tax Cuts. Budgeting The process of calculating how much New Debt will be required for our latest Tax Cuts and Privatization schemes. Bureau of Prisons The Government agency that handles the subset of prisoners still subject to the Constitution. Think how much Waste, Fraud, and Abuse we'll be able to cut once the CIA does them all (although the exact savings will of course be Secret). Bureaucrats The callous and uncaring workers that Liberals want to be making healthcare decisions for People. That’s not Compassionate Conservativism! We’ll stick with our private sector HMO claims adjusters, thank you very much! Bureaucratic Hassle Having, under PayGo rules, to Increase Taxes or cut someone’s Budget when cranking up the new Pork needed for Reelection. Borrowing is just so much more efficient! Bush The greatest President since...well, since ever! (Sorry, Abe. We're going to be needing that big chair.) Bush League 1. A baseball term for a low-quality amateurish team not up to world-class standards. 2. A shorter name for the “league of Loyal Bushies.” |
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