Sher's Blog Archive Hits
Dance A critical Presidential skill that Bush has in spades (reflecting yet another dimension of his greatness). He can’t stop bodily expressing the joy he feels that now, on the home stretch, the Hard Work of coming up with Base-friendly Bills for the Republican Majority to rubber stamp has been replaced with the more exhilarating thrill of repeatedly Vetoing Democrat bills (see Childrens' Health).
Day Job Steady employment that supports your True avocation, for example a day job in the Iraqi Army. The Bonus for them is that they get to apply the skills they learn on the Job to their Hobby: making and using IEDs.
Deadlock A situation when Countries just can’t agree even when the stakes are high, like with Global Warming. Since this lack of agreement can lead to Desertification, Coastal Flooding and superstorms, a word like “deadlock” hits the nail Right on the head!
Dead Zone An area where nothing survives, for example parts of the floor of the ocean or the Senate.
Death Penalty A sanction we are opposed to (that is, if it’s for converting to Christianity). Otherwise (for example, converting from Christianity), Jesus clearly would go for it!
Decades The typical Period it takes for a Bogus Conservative proposal to actually have any impact on the short-term problem it is put Forward to address, for example Bush beating the drums for Drilling in ANWAR as a Solution to a spike in Gas prices.
Decent 1. Having your fly zipped (no wardrobe malfunctions). 2. A man having sex only with his current wife. 3. That’s it.
Declaration of Independence How the Founding Fathers used references to God to mock the divine right of kings. We use it as a Back Door around their Constitution for our divine right to teach Religion in History class.
Defense A synonym for “attack.”
Deferment A collectable coveted by Conservatives during the Viet Nam War. These were so highly prized that advanced hobbyists like Cheney spent extra years at college to collect more. The most highly prized deferment was the Champaign Unit, since you didn’t have to study.
Deficit 1. The noble means by which Conservatives battle the Government beast (see Social Security). 2. A way to get bigger Tax Cuts without the accountants yelling at us. 3. A word that sticks to George W Bush like glue, whether related to attention deficit, learning deficit, fiscal deficit or, most accurately, all three at the same time!
Definition How we fulfill our Environmental promises. Changing the definitions of words like “mature” lets us impress Soccer Moms with our policies on Sustainable Fishing even while we keep our promises to Campaign Contributors. In other words, the pen is mightier than the swordfish.
Defining Moment Bush’s apt description for the Iraqi Government’s siege of Basra. The Iraqi President defined his moment by setting Bold objectives accompanied by cocky statements, and then falling flat on his Face. In other words, a defining moment that exactly defines the accumulated moments of the Bush Presidency.
Déjà vu The mysterious feeling that you’ve been somewhere before. Bush’s recent trip to Viet Nam has inspired the feeling among many. Not him – it’s no mystery why his first time there was this year (see String). It’s also no mystery for the rest of us why we feel we’re there again (see Iraq).
Delay Military term for the harassment and interdiction of conventional enemy forces engaged in routine logistical operations by irregular guerilla fighters practicing non-traditional warfare, as in delaying tactics.
Delusional Supreme Court Justice Scalia’s favorite Legal term, used frequently in his opinions to refer to his colleagues on the court. It’s why he’s our clear front-runner to be their Leader as Chief Justice!Bush, because he "knows not many things but one Wrong thing." What an insult! OK, maybe he' s Delusional (a badge of Honor for the non Reality-based) but do you know any hedgehogs that can ride a Bike?
Democracy The kind of Government where the will of Citizens is represented in proportion to their numbers. We prefer demicracy (from the Greek demi,“half”), where our half has all the Power and the other half has zilch.
Democrat Party The political version of the age-old Children’s Strategy of mocking a rival by mispronouncing their name. We get away with it the same way we did back in elementary school when the teachers assumed we were just screwing up our grammar again.
Democratic Process The means by which strongmen like Hitler first came to Power. Considering how often Bush talks about the need for strength, it’s no accident that he also talks a lot about the need for Democracy!
Department of Homeland Security The most successful Government agency in history. Since 2002 not a single American in the homeland has been killed by terrorists. It obviously needs additional funding, which we'll get after we shut down Liberal agencies like the National Cancer Institute.
Deprivation A valuable Conservative Social Policy tool. Oppressing the Children of illegal Immigrants by Criminalizing actions by Liberal groups to preserve their Lives provides their parents with the helpful motivation to go back to their Foreign Country where they’ll be happier anyway because they speak the language.
Derail 1. A form of Terrorism perpetrated against innocent Citizens who merely want to get from point A to point B. 2. A Winning Political Strategy, particularly when it causes a Crisis, since Voters might Elect us to clean up the damage.
Derangement 1. The totally unjustified, Compulsive and dysfunctional Hatred that Liberals have for Bush, not at all like the cleansing abhorrence that Al Gore forces Conservatives to experience. 2. The status of the country’s current prospects as energetically and peripatetically pointed out by Conservatives starting on January 20, 2009.
Deregulation A favorite GOP Strategy for improving Performance, for example of Airlines. Not by reducing number of cancelled flights, though. We’re talking about performance of airline Stocks in Campaign Contributor portfolios.
Deregulator The core Tenet of McCain’s Economic philosophy, expressed when he says “I am a deregulator.” To paraphrase Reagan, Government is always the problem, and deregulation is always the Solution.
Diagnosis The act of identifying the proper Prescription for a Patient. Performed in one of two ways: by Doctors on patients they know based on physical examination, and by Conservative Legislators on patients they've seen on Television.
DignifiedThe Prime Minister of Great Britain’s demeanor while standing next to Bush and excoriating the President of Zimbabwe for stealing an Election. Or maybe he just didn’t see the Irony. You could tell from W’s Smirk that he got it!
Diplomacy Hmm…Not sure about this one. Wait – isn’t it like when you graduate and get a diploma? Yeah, that’s gotta be it.
Dirty Thirty The derisive name Liberals give to Loyal Bushies because our Love has endured through War and the Threat of Recession. But why shouldn’t he remain our Valentine? By preserving the five things that really matter – Sluurrping resources ever faster, Ramming through Tax Cuts to Starve the Beast (see Deficit), using Torture and Invasion to Inspire Muslims not to attack us, getting God the Help He needs from Government Bureaucrats, and Defending Gun Show Loopholes in limits to personal WMD – how could any President show greater greatness?
Discrimination How Liberals are describing the new “breathing while brown” Immigration Law in Arizona. They’re Wrong about it being discriminatory, though, since discrimination requires Minority status and pretty soon it will be white Arizonans in the minority!
Disgruntlement What invariably leads an Officeholder (especially one we thought was a Loyal Bushie like Bush’s former press secretary) to become a Whistleblower, no matter how much they crow about “Truth” and “Ideals.”
Disparity A metric for ensuring proper Job Performance, for example that Bush administration Prosecutors have pursued Democrats at a rate five times greater than Republicans. Any not maintaining this high standard clearly deserve to be Fired!
Dissenters 1. Courageous Iraqis who risked arrest under Saddam by standing up for regime change. 2. Criminals attempting to undermine Freedom by sneaking “regime change” T-shirts into our political rallies. Imagine the damage they could do to our way of Life if we didn’t search and arrest them!
Diversion 1. A multi-purpose GOP strategy, relevant both to circumventing campaign finance requirements (see Money laundering) as well as to distracting voters from our Mistakes (should we ever make any). 2. A trick we use to distract Voters when there’s bad News (see Flag, Homosexual Marriage, Immigration). We’ll try another strategy as soon as the bad news stops (next week at the latest). In the meantime, if you got something that works (particularly if it’s the only thing that’s working), you stick with it!
Doctrine of Infallibility As applied to Catholic Dogma, Papal pronouncements on faith contain no error. As applied to Christianist Right fundamentalism, Political pronouncements on Prison sentences are based on perfect interpretations of scripture. As applied to the Majority that don’t Believe that desperate Women and their Doctors should be Jailed or executed, we can Ignore them - they’re going to Hell!
“Doesn’t sound like…” Our standard Spin on statements by a Disgruntled Whistleblower who was formerly a Loyal Bushie when there is a danger that Voters might Believe what they say is True. It hints at the Real truth, that this Person must have been kidnapped and replaced by an imposter.
Dogs Slang for bad Stocks, for example the many that are tanking because of the Sub-Prime Mortgage Crisis. It’s particularly relevant when the Meltdown is Triggered by DOGS: Dereliction Of Government Scrutiny.
Dogma A Partisan Excuse for dubious behavior, like Bush’s Belief in the Power of the Deregulated Market. It originated from the phrase “it was the dog, Ma”, as in “it was the DOGS that ate my Deficit reduction plan, Ma.”
DOJ The Government department responsible for ensuring that Prosecutors relentlessly pursue Justice no matter where it takes them. It stands for Dependable and Obedient Job-holders (or is it Dispensary for Operative Jobs?)
Domino Theory A Foreign Policy alarm the right wing sounded during the Viet Nam era. The idea was that if we didn’t Stay the Course, the nearby Foreign Countries like Thailand would topple. While that didn’t actually happen, most Voters didn’t major in History, so why not recycle it?
Don’t Talk to Evil Bush’s standard approach to governance, and it has served him well. For example, declining to Negotiate with Democrats on topics like Childrens' Health allows him to better savor the Boos and Hisses he gets from Vetoing their bills.
Double Down A Mistaken idea about Bush’s Surge of troops in Iraq that implies he’s an Irresponsible Gambler. Any Dittohead knows that being truly responsible for a gamble (and thus getting full credit for Victory) means going All In!
Download An unapproved transfer of value sometimes called “piracy.” While some might say that our download of Taxes from future generations to pay our day-to-day bills is piracy, our laws say it’s perfectly legal.
Dream An American Utopia where every Citizen stands on his own two feet, his current wife at his side, his God in his schools, his Government off his back, his Taxes low, his Subsidies fat, his Social Security privatized, his zygote protected, his police keeping his neighbors straight, his Military keeping Foreign Countries in line, and his Gun at the ready to make sure things stay that way.
Dream Team The ultimate collection of personal talent, for example the great Republican Presidents Abe, Ike, and Teddy. The best scenario is when all of these qualities are represented in a single Person, which is what we have in our Candidate, John McBush.
Drifting Sideways The phrase used by Republican Senator John Warner to describe Iraq. Considering that he’s a major GOP Leader, it translates from the native Dittohead as “going to Hell in a handbasket.”
Drowning The likely fate of Senator Lindsey Graham, if he is to be believed when he said “I’ll beat Michael Phelps in swimming before Barack Obama wins North Carolina. Don’t let me down because I can’t swim.” Happily, in the spirit of Compassionate Conservatism (and recognizing his fondness for the practice), Waterboarding offers a nice Compromise Solution.
Drugs Controlled substances that create an overwhelming cycle of dependency. Seniors are dependent on drugs for Health, drug companies are dependent on Government protection for the high prices, and we're dependent on the Campaign Contributions fueled by the high margins.
Duty An important Responsibility, for example the Constitutional duty to pass critical laws (see Pork). We’re helped in our duty by our Majority Rule. Bleeding-hearts whine that our failure to pass a Budget has jeopardized Health coverage for 600,000 Children, but Conservatives know that trying/failing to stop Flag-burning and Death Taxes are clearly higher priorities.
DWI A term meaning “Driving While Intoxicated.” Its middle initial is “W” too!
Dynamism The word we use to explain why we aren’t saying Stay the Course anymore. However, just because we dropped the tagline doesn’t mean we’re actually changing any Policy or admitting we made any Mistakes. The new Strategy could thus be summed up with the phrase “flexible concrete.”
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