Sher's Blog Archive Hits
Fabrication A special human relations Performance management technique being implemented by the Bush DOJ to ensure Fairness for Cronies needing Prosecutor Jobs held by others. We got the idea from the other ways we’re pursuing Justice (see Gitmo).
Fabric of Democracy The precious commodity that will be frayed to rags should McCain’s Debate Warning be realized and the Mickey Mouse registrations that Acorn temps filled out to get Paid more are accompanied by legions of Mickeys, each with a valid Government Photo ID, showing up at the Polls to perpetrate Voter Fraud.
Face Hating to be embarrassed, as in “saving face.” Also, our approach to debate, as in “in your face.” Also, attractive but lacking in substance, as in “face man.” Also, false sincerity, as in “straight face.” In short, a word that is us “on its face!” (except we don’t do “face up” or “face the music”).
Fairness The ultimate foundation for Justice, attained when People are rewarded for Hard Work. A perfect example is Rove’s favorite Operative being rewarded with one of the vacant Jobs as Department of Justice Prosecutor made available after a sudden epidemic of poor Performance.
Far Future The point when it will finally be possible to judge the value of Invading Iraq, earlier assessments (for example, as part of Election rhetoric) being grossly premature. So get off our case.
Fatal Illness A valuable tool for maintaining high Moral standards. When a new medical treatment arises (like vaccination for cervical cancer) it needs to be vigorously opposed lest continued Life results in Immorality.
FEC The Federal Election Commission, where, together with the DOJ, we get the most mileage from installing Partisan hacks, since they not only get GOP Candidates Elected but then keep them out of Prison when they do what they have to do.
Feel To experience the Pain of People you care about, for example as Triggered in George W Bush by the Cost of Oil. Happily, a President has the Power to do something about it, which is why his Big Oil Conies have been feeling less pain every year of his Presidency.
Felony 1. Intentional Leak of Secret information by anyone other than the President, since he has the Constitutional Power to declassify. 2. A Crime by anyone other than the President, since he has the Constitutional power to pardon. 3. In some States, a qualification for Election to the Senate. OK, one state (see Alaska).
FEMA The Government agency responsible for damage control. They’ve had some problems lately, caused by being distracted from their primary mission by the Disaster in New Orleans. Short for Flexible Employment for Marginally-qualified Acquaintances.
Filibuster A Legislative maneuver with a long history of use by Conservatives (For example, as employed by Dr. Sen Frist in 2000 against Judge Paez). It’s an anachronism now (considering we’re in Power) so we all need to just put it behind us!
Final Solution An approach to solving Problems in a “quick and dirty” way (via Execution) as used by Hitler against Jews and others and more recently to Successfully deal with that Abortion provider in Kansas.
Fingercrossing A term that perfectly captures the Conservative approach to Environmental Policy on Global Warming. We cross our fingers when we issue reports on it (see Lying), and then we cross them again in the hope it’s not really happening (see Delusional).
First Monday The scheduled October start of the Supreme Court session in the Constitution. While the current court doesn’t have much Respect for that document, they’re generally expected to show up on time. For one thing, the Bill of Rights isn’t yet fully trampled.
Fiscal Prudence A term used by Bush’s Office of Management and Budget to describe massive additional Borrowing to Privatize Social Security. This is a specific instance of the Budget management strategy known to economists as “not Paying for something you want.”
Fishing Expedition A term Dittohead Politicians use to show concern for depletion of Fisheries, as in Rep Sensenbrenner’s statement “It seems to me that with this fishing expedition there ain’t no fish in the water.” OK, he was really talking about the Firing of the Prosecutors after DOJ Operative Monica Goodling admitted that everything was Politicized, but given all the Hype over the Environment, we have to take our Greenwash wherever we find it.
Fit 1. In excellent physical condition, for example from lots and lots and lots of Biking. 2. Wearing clothes your size, for example by having a Presidential tailor. 3. Qualified, i.e. able to do your job without causing loss of Life. Bottom line: two out of three ain't bad!
Flag The Conservative Politician’s all-purpose tool, more useful than the Swiss Army Knife. You can wave it, wrap yourself in it, soft-focus it in your Political Advertisements, create flag protection substitutes for real legislation, Bash opponents for not supporting your flag legislation…the possibilities are endless! Literally, Fallback for Lack of an Agenda for Governance.
Flat Equal, like when Revenues are equal to what they were when Bush cut Taxes years ago. Liberals and Economists sneer that “flat” will only occur when the Debt run up in the meantime gets Paid off. Like that’s going to happen anytime soon! Regan’s Tax Cuts haven't even been paid off yet.
Flip-Flop 1. Changing your mind, like when you oppose a commission’s recommendations and then you support them. 2. A Conservative Politician’s default campaign Message about his opponent (other than that he’s a Liberal with a Capital L, of course). See Clinton.
Flowers How our Military would have been greeted in Iraq if it wasn’t a Desert. (Cheney can’t be expected to remember what kind of plants every country has, can he?! Chalk it up as his Mistake Quota for the first term). (See, we can admit them!)
Flush What to do with embryos no longer needed, to make sure they can’t be used by Science for saving Lives (see Stem Cell Research). We don’t support Flushing S**t, though (see Iraq), since then we’d have no Results at all.
Flushing Proper disposition of Holy but unusable materials like medical waste from fertility treatments and scriptures from competing Religions. Considering how much we’re giving up with the former (see Stem Cell Research), it’s surprising that People are getting so worked up about the latter!
Flypaper A superior way of fighting terrorism, by getting Terrorists to flock to places where the Military can do its thing. Then, as the Body Counts mount, you know you’re seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Focus The key to winning the War on Terror. We need to focus on making sure the tremendous Political Capital it generates (as a by-product of generating Money) capitalizes our Cronies and Campaign Contributors rather than Blue States, where it would just be wasted on checking luggage and cargo for Theoretical attacks.
Food Stamps 1. A Liberal program by which Taxes are Immorally stolen from the hard-working productive Citizens with Jobs and given as Welfare to unemployed slackers. 2. A program that kept from starving the liberal-hating Dittohead who Shot up the liberal Church because he Hated liberals (and also because he was pissed at expiration of his food stamp eligibility due to Limits imposed by Conservatives).
For To be against something, for example when a Republican candidate says he’s “for” Stem Cell Research (see Lying). When this statement is analyzed using the Science of Semantics, its precise meaning is “for Stem Cell Research hobbled by Constraints to delight Christianist Voters.”
Foreign Aid Government spending that most Citizens believe to be 20-40% of the Budget but is actually far less than 1%. Most of it is Military aid to dictators. The rest is “Money down the rat hole,” as St. Jesse used to say.
Foreign Country 1. An evil collection of Enemies intent on destroying all that America stands for. 2. A tolerable but still pathetic group of people who sometimes don’t speak English, and the ones that do don’t speak it right. The only thing going for them is their support for the most recent example of American Foreign Policy.
Forward 1. The direction the country should be looking when Conservatives are being investigated (see DeLay). 2. The direction that inquiries should be going when Liberals are being investigated (see Clinton).
Fox 1. A colloquial term meaning “to deceive the gullible,” as in “Fred, president of his local VFW chapter, was foxed into Voting for the Deserter rather than the decorated Combat Veteran.” 2. The Logical Conservative candidate animal for Department of Henhouse Security.
Free Acquired without effort or sacrifice, for example, through inter-generational Borrowing. We don’t call ourselves the land of the free for nothing! (Actually, we do call ourselves the land of the free for nothing, since that’s what we’re paying for a lot of our Government goodies.)
Free Ride A central Tenet of modern Conservatism, seen both in our finding creative ways to download wealth from Future generations (see Deficit) and in how we make sure rich Heirs (see Campaign Contributors) are set for Life (see Inheritance Tax).
Freedom 1. The right to bear arms. If you need more than that you must be an ACLU Liberal! 2. The right to speak out on the inappropriate roles that women and minorities have usurped. Our freedom of speech has been unconstitutionally limited to pointing out how their "achievements" are based on Liberal Media bias. Happily, Immigrants are still fair game.
Freeze The refreshing pause a Leader experiences when first exposed to stressful events like broken Levees and Terrorist attacks, just before leaping into action to calculate the impact to Reelection.
Frivolous Lawsuit Gambling on a Payoff from a bad personal Decision, for example when Patients Roll the Dice to try dodging a well-deserved Bankruptcy when it was their own Choice to Work for an Employer without Health insurance.
Future Historians The only group George W. Bush talks about needing to please (other than his Base), since their opinions will surely vindicate his Decisions. Of course, it’s also possible they might be hacked off about having to Pay the Debt he ran up, and dealing with Global Warming, but we’re sure they’ll see past such trivialities to applaud how he tried to stop Flag burning.
Fuzzy Math An approach used by Cons (in Politics and in Crime) to formulate financial transactions. For example, in politics it can be used to formulate increased Government benefits by Budgeting multiple uses for the same Tax dollar (see Social Security). For a Criminal example of fuzzy math, see the movie and musical “The Producers.”
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