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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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G Gaffe An innocent misstatement, like McCain inaccurately linking Iran to Al Qaeda at least five separate times. For one thing, Bush made the same linkage with Saddam and it worked out perfectly fine. And even we end up with Bombing or another Invasion, what could be Wrong with a little more Towelhead ass-kicking? Gamble The foolish risking of one’s wealth. We don’t believe in taking chances with our Money, for example, the chance that balancing the budget might hurt the Economy (and Reelection prospects). It makes much more sense to risk Posterity’s economy, not to mention their Weather. Gas An commodity priced according to what the market will bear, particularly after it bears Right. Gauge 1. The device used to Assess whether a Fish is a keeper. 2. The device used in the Army’s Assessment that the Surge is a keeper. It’s like what the fisherman's gauge would be if he could make his own tick marks. Gay Another name for Homosexuals. They’re called that because, unlike the typical Dittohead, they never have to get Married. Gay Marriage The new frontier in social movements. Up until this point, these have Focused on Rights. The Gay Marriage movement is something new because civil unions already address the rights that come with marriage. The right in question is thus the right to force People to use an important word in a way they don’t want to. General A Whistleblower whose tweeting is particularly loud and annoying. Generation 1. A group of People born within a few years of each other. 2. The act of creating power, as in the generation of electricity. 3. As applied to the current generation, the generation of political Power through the generation of cross-generational Debt. Generator The first machine we bring in after a Disaster, considering the priority of having Power. And they’re sometimes useful even after they’ve lit up the Backdrop for Bush’s reconstruction Speech! Geneva Conventions Another Treaty named for a City in a Foreign Country (just like Kyoto). Had we known that Bush would make them all Optional, we would have skipped even more of those boring history classes! Gestation According to Conservative Family Values, the period between the end of Abstinence Only on the wedding night and Natural birth. It’s nine months long, or (apparently) eight in Alaska (must be that midnight sun). GI Bill Yet another Issue that Shows how Wrong People often are about McCain’s positions. He’s against it because he’s afraid that Military people will muster out to go to college (see Liberal), appreciating the incentive he had as a Prisoner of War to Stay the Course. Gift 1. Something you get for Free, like Oil and Trees on public land, broadcast spectrum, and that $650 Billion in Government goodies that Posterity is buying for us every year. 2. Something that makes your Life easier. If your life includes trying to make up funny definitions, Sarah Palin definitely qualifies. In fact, she’s the gift that keeps on giving! Gitmo A Presidential hideaway for special guests, like Camp David with jumpsuits. Glass Ceiling A barrier often penetrated in the Bush Administration (see Rice and Hughes), but only by Cronies. Global Conference A Golden Opportunity to Whine about humanity’s feeble attempts to do something about Global Warming. It’s a nice Target for whining since by definition having a global conference means that most delegates need to fly in. Global Warming Mark Twain said “Everyone complains about the Weather but nobody ever does anything about it.” Well, we are! Gloat How Conservatives celebrate our sweeping Mandates (the only kind we ever get!) Going Rogue Sarah Palin’s latest career move. Literally: Riches Obtained from Gaming, Undermining and Exaggerating. Gluttony An important Conservative value. It ensures that our Agricultural Subsidies are being put to good use. Gobble Gobble 1. A traditional Thanksgiving greeting. 2. Traditional behavior by Alaska Politicians (see Sluuurp resources). God See Republican. Godless Not wanting to use the Government to help God out (per Ann's definition in her new book). When Doctors Offend Him by not showing the proper Respect for Life, the least we can do for Him is to execute them. Golden Opportunity 1. Gaining Strategic Advantage over Democrats by courting Women and Hispanics. 2. Gaining tactical Advantage over Democrats by taking a swipe at Activist judges, for example by bashing the female Hispanic Candidate for the Supreme Court. Note: we always go for the tactical over the strategic, since a bird in the hand is easier to Torture. Gold Plated A term Bush used in his State of the Union to describe Targets deserving of Increased Taxation. While he used it in the context of Employer-Based Healthcare, all Dittohead usages of “gold plated” actually boil down to “Blue State.” Gonzales Bush’s Justice czar (AKA Attorney General, head of the DOJ). He fit right in with this Administration (see Mistakes. Over and over). While his status as the croniest of the Cronies kept him on the Job long after his expiration date, you just had to know that sooner or later Alberto would be Gone-zales. Good Day The Stock Market only dropping 100 or so. Good Friday A day to think about innocence, suffering, and Sacrifice for our Sins. In other words, a day to think about Deficits and Posterity. Good Ole Boy A low income Southerner who is a fervent supporter of Tax Cuts for wealthy individuals and radical downsizing of Government. Since there's one born every minute, they have come to represent a sizable proportion of the Republican voting block. See Con. GOP Stock symbol for the most lucrative investment in history. For example, an investment in 2000 Preferred Shares (nicknamed "Bush/Cheney"), capped by Liberals at $1,000 per investor (patience, patience), had by 2001 locked in returns of $287,220 in Tax Cuts for investors in the top 1% tax bracket. Let's see you beat that, NASDAQ! GOP Healthcare Alternative A program of lawsuit caps and cross-State purchase of Health Insurance. While it won’t cover new Patients or Preexisting Conditions, it will make Alabama insurance Executives and incompetent Doctors Richer. In short, our standard Target Medical Outcome! Gouging Our market-based Solution to Global Warming. It shows that Kermit’s all wet: it is easy being Green (when you’re talking about the Right kind of green!) Government 1. An evil criminal conspiracy promoted by Liberals and other deviates to enslave Americans and rob them of their hard-earned dollars. 2. A source of capital for the enterprises that provide the very essentials of life: food (see Agriculture), Jobs, religion (see Religious Organization), transportation (see Airlines), and national security (see Military). Government Takeover What happens with financial institutions that Fail. This is not relevant to Medical institutions, since our current system is Perfect except that unemployed people go Bankrupt a lot, but what’s Wrong with that, so as we said it’s perfect. Governor 1. A mechanism for slowing output, usually implemented as two balls on a shaft. 2. A Government Officeholder with a similar mechanism and impact on State Legislative output (see Hiking the Appalachian Trail). Governors 1. In Blue States, the Government Officeholders responsible for promoting the Welfare of the Citizens of the State. 2. In Red States, the Deciders for turning down Federal Stimulus Money if it’s Socialistic. Graceful Exit One way for the War in Iraq to end. Bush is energetically setting expectations against it. As if anyone could expect the word "graceful" to apply to anything about this Administration! Grandmother An unsuitable adoptee parent who, under Arizona’s GOP Family Values, will be Legally prevented from taking in her orphaned grandchildren if she happens to be an un-remarried widow (like the grandma in that cartoon strip). Why? Duh, she might be Gay! Grandstand From “grand,” meaning “thousand dollars” and “stand,” as in “stand for Reelection.” Grandstanding is a special method for securing Campaign Contributions only available to Officeholders. As such, it is their primary Fundraising strategy and fully accounts for the Incumbency advantage. Great British Bush’s term for English folks, like he’d call Citizens of the United States “United Americans.” He doesn’t have to, though, since everyone knows he’s a Uniter, not a Divider. And he finally IS really uniting Americans (see Polls). Great Stride A key turning point, for example when the Iraqi Parliament (finally) got around to approving a President, which Bush described as “a great stride in the march to Victory.” Unfortunately, George has discovered what every Army guy already knows: if you take a great stride while marching, you’ll trip! Greed The Conservative concept that pursuing more of something that makes us happy is always the Right thing. It’s one of those self-evident Truths the Founding Fathers talked about. Green 1. The ugliest Color, remindful of puke or Environmentalists. 2. A beautiful color, at its most lovely when manifested as the Flood of Campaign Contributions (see Money) we get by Denying Global Warming. Greenhouse Gasses Invisible by-products of Industry that allegedly cause Global Warming and other damage to the Earth. We’ll believe it when we see them. Greenspan The former Fed head who, in true Dittohead fashion, first dittoed Bush’s mega Tax Cuts. However, he’s now selling books that Assess the resulting Debt as bad, meaning he’s really only half Dittohead. Think of him as a DittoAss. Greenwash A media strategy for improving the efficiency of Government. Rather than wastefully establishing a separate Environmental Policy, we get double duty from our Industrial Policy. Green Zone The area in Baghdad from which Haliburton, Blackwater, and the other members of the Coalition of the Billing have Extracted tons (literally) of greenbacks. Groping 1. A high crime and misdemeanor by a Liberal Officeholder, worthy of impeachment. 2. Playful behavior by a Conservative Candidate, a refreshing break from the boring seriousness of policy wonks. Groundhog Day An annual event during which (in the GOP version) the Elephant emerges from his lair and, based on whether he sees the shadow of Debt, signals the tough Choice between Tax Cuts or more Pork. His choice is always “both.” GSA The Government agency responsible for awarding Trillions in contracts. Serious Money like that needs to be put to good use, which is why Rove’s Aide was down there pointing out how Loyal Bushies “help out our Candidates.” It's also why GSA now means Getting Supporters Ahead. Guilty Plea An admission of guilt, unless given by a Republican Senator (like Idaho's Larry Craig) suddenly realizing that 1. he’s facing Reelection in a Red State and 2. Homosexuals don’t get Elected as senators in red states. That's as much a justification for Lying as any a Faced by a GOP Politician! Gulf A word associated with a performance gap, as in “the gulf between promises and Results.” This usage is particularly associated with the Bush Administration, as in the Gulf of Mexico (see New Orleans) and the Persian Gulf (see Iraq). Gulf of Mexico 1. (Archaic) The body of water south of Louisiana. 2. The body of Oil south of Louisiana. Gun When someone needs a'killin, a twitch of the finger and the Job is done. No muss, no fuss - all our Tools should be this handy! Gun Show The one American institution that has never been the site of a Bloodbath. The Lesson is Clear: we need to turn the whole Country into a gun show! Happily, we’re well on our way. |
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