Sher Wright's Devils Dictionary Project

Sher's Blog Archive Hits

Ice Age A possible outcome from Global Warming. If it happens we’ll laugh our buns off at the Liberals who cried wolf about hot Weather!

I’d Do It Again What you say when you don’t make Mistakes.

Ideal The ultimate Conservative CYA. If Liberals say we made a Mess, we say we’re championing patriotic ideals like Freedom and Liberty, and how come they aren’t?!

Ideologue From the roots for the words “idea” and “log,” a Conservative with the optimal capacity for flexibility of thought (i.e., zilch).

IED How the Citizens of the last Foreign Country we Conquered are showing their appreciation for their Freedom, in lieu of Flowers. Literally, Iraqi Expressions of Devotion.

Ignorance An important Conservative value. It keeps us blissfully unperturbed by the insights of Science (see Evolution).

Ignore The proper response to suggestions from Liberals. For example, when an outgoing liberal administration tells us we should worry about Terrorists, screw them! Double if it’s a Clinton administration!

Ike Another paragon of Conservative values. Nobody whined when Ike called out the National Guard!

Impeachment A way to keep Presidents focused on critical issues like sexual rectitude as opposed to petty distractions like Terrorist attack plans.

Immigrants People born in Foreign Countries. What more do you need to know?

Immigration A fact of Life in America for the last 514 years, and a crisis requiring the National Guard for the last 514 minutes.

Immigration Bill A clear Example of amnesty, since it doesn’t require immediate execution.

Immigration Crisis The irreparable damage being done to the country by Workers from Foreign Countries falling over themselves to Perform our unfilled menial Jobs for peanuts.

Immorality 1. Anything a Conservative has no particular interest in doing. 2. Something a Conservative would like to do but can’t find a woman willing to do it with him.

Immunity A word rhyming with Impunity, for good reason! Bremer gave Blackwater impunity, and when that proved insufficient to stop Liberals from nosing around after a Massacre, the State Department followed up with immunity.

Impulse An irresistible compulsion to act on every idea that pops into your head, if it feels Right, without thought to consequences. So what could possibly be Wrong with that?

Impulse Control A major Liberal weakness, the root of their indecisiveness.

Impunity The condition Blackwater has operated under since before the Invasion of Iraq. Bush is Whining that Democrats want to make them subject to somebody’s Laws. We, on the other hand, think of the current situation as a good slippery slope, where nobody gets Prosecuted for anything having to do with Iraq. It’s clear why that’s nirvana, Right?

In the Eye 1. A phrase referring to the ability of gifted Leaders like George W. Bush to take the measure of a man in just fifteen minutes, by “looking him in the eye.” 2. A phrase referring to what happens to a nation when its leader shows really crappy judgment, as in “a stick in the eye.”

Inartful The perfect word to use to get Liberals off your back (see DeLay). They think you’re apologizing (them being liberals and all), but since it’s not a real word, it doesn’t really count.

Inauguration The official kickoff of our quadrennial fundraising campaign. It’s marked by Balls for America’s pioneering growth companies and ante upping by tomorrow’s Candidate growth companies.

Incentive Using the carrot rather than the stick to influence voters. (The only stick we ever use is sticking Posterity with the Bill).

Incite The basis for dealing with Terrorists. Rubbing their rhubarb brings them out in the open (where we can Fight them) and out of the woodwork (so we don’t run out of Terrorists to Fight).

Income Disparity The idea that the rich are making out like bandits (but going to Jail at a much lower rate). Even poor Conservatives think this is just fine, since any Dittohead is well-qualified (indeed, Earmarked) for a lucrative Job (see Loyalist).

Income Tax Day Our unofficial “National Republicanism Day,” when we whip Voters into a frenzy for having to contribute a portion of the Money that funds their Pork (the portion we haven't yet figured out a way to Borrow).

Inconvenient A synonym for “impossible,” “unthinkable,” and “the Base is against it.”

Increase A label describing a Value that got larger, got smaller, or stayed the same. We use it when we want People to think it got larger.

Increased Spending An abominable Government practice rightly condemned by President Bush, who’s in the best position to condemn this practice because he’s the President with the most practice.

Incumbency A status making it very hard not to achieve Reelection even when you make a real Mess of things. Just look at George W. Bush!

Incurious A blessed state similar to Buddhism’s nirvana. Those achieving incuriosity know everything they will ever need to know. Unlike nirvana, most Conservatives reach incurious with hardly any effort at all.

Incursion A kind of Invasion, like the one Turkey conducted in Iraq. They followed Bush’s Advice to “move quickly, achieve their objective, and get out.” They could do this because they’re already a Muslim country and don’t have to Surrender to the need to entertain their Base with Shooting at Towelheads.

Independence Doing whatever we feel like (for example, an Optional War) without respect to the opinions of any Foreign Country.

Independence Day 1. The day we celebrate being able to enjoy the our way of Life without being beholden to any Foreign Country. We observe it by breezing down the Interstate in our SUVs, enjoying the great American Freedom of the Road (in between stops for Middle Eastern Gas). 2. First celebrated by not sending Tax dollars to London, now celebrated by sending Gas dollars to Riyadh.

Independent How we describe the groups that we organize and fund to do our really Negative Political Advertisements.

Indictment A special distinction held by People who are most focused and active on Conservative Values.

Individualism The bedrock Conservative Principle that individuals individually thinking about a problem (see Global Warming) represents the proper way to address the problem. The process is most efficient when these individuals, facing Sacrifice, solve the problem by Deciding it doesn’t exist in the first place (see Denial).

Industrial Policy Activities that enable extraction of resources from deep pockets. It specifically addresses the deep pockets of large corporations but has considerable overlap with Tax Cuts, which mine all of the deep pockets.

Industry A work-study program where future Conservative Officeholders learn which Regulations to get rid of first.

Inflated A kind of Quibble we use with Facts involving a Pretext (see Iran and Bombing).

Influence the Election The idea that Iraqis are killing each other faster in order to impress US Voters. Now that’s Negative campaigning!

Information The loving responsibility of Saddam's Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf. Some of MSS's greatest hits include "Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly" and “We are winning!” The solemn responsibility for his special brand of War information has been assumed by Cheney, most recently with his pronouncements on the “enormous successes” being enjoyed in Iraq.

Infrastructure A critical national Priority (see Bridge, Levee and AMTRAK) as long as it doesn’t require any Taxes.

Inhale Something a Conservative President can do with impunity as long as he doesn’t exhale an admission.

Inheritance A type of lottery that is the primary Source of funds for Campaign Contributions. As with all lotteries, winners receive a substantial unearned Payoff. There are three unique features of the inheritance lottery: 1) Inheritance lottery odds are typically 99:100. 2) Taxes on inheritance lottery Winnings are in process of being eliminated (patience, patience). 3) While most People are able to participate in an inheritance lottery, participation in the very largest lotteries is sharply limited. Note that while lottery winnings could technically become either Conservative or Liberal contributions, by happy coincidence the great Majority of the big winners are conservatives.

Inoculation Positive action to reduce a threat, for example Bush’s inoculating himself against the threat of Liberal criticism for pulling a New Orleans on bird flu.

In Session The period between recesses, when a President is subjected to the tiresome Constitutional requirement to get the Advice and Consent of the Senate for Officeholder appointments. However, with our expertise in efficiency that comes from having Industry running the Government, we’ve perfected the process of stacking up Candidates so that the Recess Appointment floodgates are released the second the gavel falls. This Strategy has the added benefit of riddling agencies with vacancies, lessening the chances that Bureaucrats will get into trouble.

Insider Trading The illegal act that landed Martha Steward in Prison. Just imagine if she had also had a Blind Trust (say, like Frist’s)!

Insourcing The Bush Strategy of encouraging use of products made in the USA, for example the Treasury’s Actions to turn the dollar into toilet paper.

Inspector A Government worker whose job is to find things we need found.

Inspector General The Whistleblower we accidentally sent to Iraq thinking the “general” part meant he’d be contributing to the War. You can bet we’ll be fixing that one soon!

Inspire Something Presidents do in their speeches. Our favorite inspirational quotes are Abe’s “With malice toward none, with charity for all” and George W. Bush’s “Bring ‘em on!” So what if Bush mainly inspired Terrorists? That’s what he wanted (see Flypaper).

Insurgent An Iraqi that ends up Dead because of something we did.

Insurgency 1. Operations that Gun-owning bloggers diligently plan night and day in anticipation of the UN power grab due any day now. 2. Operations of Terrorists in Iraq that, to a slight degree, are hampering the final Success due any day now.

Integrity Steadfastly refusing to admit a Mistake no matter how obvious a the Mess it has made, and then doing it again just for “so there!”

Intelligence 1. OK, so maybe we have some problems in this area. Not to mention our problems with spying (see WMD). 2. A general-purpose "get out of jail free" card (see Excuse). If you make a Mess (see Iraq), you just say you had bad intelligence. If you're Lucky, People won't ask who's responsible for there being good intelligence!

Intelligence Agency A Think Tank that uses information from Sources to develop the Intelligence used to set Government policy. Sources are the Officeholders with information on the policy to be set and intelligence is the Facts justifying the policy.

Intelligent Design A theory that Evolved from our need to design a way to drop God's name in Science class. It’s pretty intelligent (for us).

Intent of the Voters The factor Liberals use to justify bolstering Terrorists by trying to horn in on Bush’s authority in Iraq. As if! If Citizens had really wanted limits on his Power they would have Voted Democrats a Veto-proof Majority.

Interpretation of the Law The component of Government where Stability is most important, since it’s the bedrock for the Rule of Law. That’s why we’re always Whining about Activist judges. Our New Right-Wing Supreme Court Majority will be the very model of stable interpretation of the law, just as soon as they reverse all the Precedents that were decided Wrong.

Interrogation A form of questioning measured in degrees, for example, the "third degree." Considering that WMD (and Reelection) are involved, we step it up one notch beyond, to Whatever It Takes.

Interstates The means by which four wheel drive SUVs negotiate the country's diverse terrain (from the mountains, to the prairies...)

Interest Extra Taxes paid to enable Tax Cuts (see Logic).

Invade A Campaign Strategy that works even better than Negative Political Advertising (if you can imagine that!) Happily, there are still enough Foreign Countries in the Axis of Evil to get us through two more Elections.

Invasion 1. Our preferred means of bringing a Foreign Country around to our point of view. 2. A mechanism for transferring a Foreign Country’s explosives to Terrorists. While some materiel might end up in IEDs or shipped overseas (say, to London), the important thing is that Enemies of Freedom like Saddam don't have it anymore!

Investigation A GOP pastime similar to Fishing. It can burn up lots of time (see Decade) and Money (see Taxes), but offers an enjoyable Diversion even when Results are zilch.

Investment Money spent to achieve an end, for example the half Trillion we’ll be investing in Iraq. We already had our return on this investment, as evidenced by us all winning Reelection in 2004.

Involved A word sometimes used colloquially as a synonym for having relations, as in “Bill and Monica were involved.” For example, the phrase “I was not involved” (see Rove) is exactly equivalent to “I did not have relations with that woman.”

Iran An Axis of Evil Foreign Country needing Invasion because of its Weapons. This time we’re absolutely sure they have them. Why? We still have the bill of sale from when Reagan used them to get Money for the Contras.

Iraq A country we pronounce as "eye rack" but, in consideration of the sensitivities of the inhabitants, the correct pronunciation is "EEEE ROCK!"

Iraqi Army Another great example of a former Enemy becoming an Ally, just like with Germany and Japan. There’s still a bit of work to do, of course, considering it’s only been four years since Mission Accomplished. For example, they need to stop trying to kill our soldiers when their backs are turned.

Irony Poetic Justice, like when the two Red States with the most Climate Change doubters, Texas and Georgia (see Dittoheads) are having a hundred year Flood and Drought, respectively. Maybe in another hundred years they'll notice.

Ironic Incongruity between what should be versus what is, for example Conservatives scornful of Conservation. Modern conservatives are necessarily impervious to Irony, with the exception of delighting in the irony of using Constitutional amendments passed to Protect Minorities to take away protections.

Irregularities The term we prefer to have associated with our Election Victories. “Stolen” is such a brutal word!

Irresponsible 1. A term for proposals from Liberals that involve cancellation of planned Tax Cuts. 2. (Archaic) A term for proposals from addicts that involve cancellation of planned detox.

IRS How Conservatives oversee Government revenue generation operations. Literally, "Incessant Republican Spanking."

Intemperance An important Conservative value. Why do you think we keep the booze flowing at those campaign dinners?

Is To make equivalence, identify, or name. For example, saying “She is a CIA agent” is equivalent to “she is named as a CIA agent” (depending on what your definition of “is” is).

Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Something like a religious-based Civil War, complete with suicide bombers, that’s been going on for generations. It’s nothing like the Iraq War! Nope, that one’s completely different. For one thing, it will be over soon (but not according to any kind of timetable, though. That would be Cut and Run). How do we know it will be over soon? Because it’s not like the Israeli-Palestinian conflict!

Issues Personal challenges that some people face. Dittoheads don’t have issues (nope, not even Cheney). Whenever we encounter a challenge, we easily overcome it with issue of more Debt.

I Will Veto A catchphrase of Bush’s “Cooperation” State of the Union speech.

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Are You Smarter Than a Fourth Grader?

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