Sher's Blog Archive Hits
Pain A Result that must avoided at all costs, based on Bush and Rove’s seminal insight that Americans can’t stand it when a Politician withholds goodies, be they continued Pork or new Tax Cuts. In fact, we’re changing the last line of the Star Spangled Banner to “the land of the Free and the home of no pain.”
Pardon A Presidential Opportunity to Right a Wrong, like Bush did when pardoning unauthorized use of a pesticide, violating the Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act, and importing Wildlife taken in violation of Conservation Regulations (in other words, Liberal Laws).
Parking Lot The alternative to buying a Gun at a Gun Show. If a Citizen is Denied his Constitutional Right to instant heat because of a Liberal Law, he need merely walk outside through the Loophole to buy it out of someone’s trunk.
Party Crashing 1. Boorish behavior, for example trying to upstage the other Party’s convention. Throughout America’s rough and tumble Political History it’s never been done before. Leave it to today’s GOP to be Number 1! 2. A succinct description of what eight years of Bush has done to today’s GOP.
Patriot 1. The normal Conservative attitude towards America when 1) the Military is kicking butt, 2) the Military would be kicking butt if there were any butt we could get away with kicking (patience, patience), 3) there is no Liberal draft. 2. A Conservative Gun owner fully prepared to take up arms to defend the Constitution (except for the Liberal parts that shyster lawyers love) from encroachments by elected representatives. Of course, to defend the Constitution they’d have to, technically speaking, overthrow it, but hey! you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.
Patriotic Wanting what’s best for America, for example Rush hoping President Obama Fails. The Country needs to learn that even though things got bad when Republicans were in Power, they can get even Worse when the GOP is out of power (except for the power to Obstruct).
Pay The allocation of available resources for desired goods or services. We desire lots of goods and services but don’t want to allocate that level of resources. Happily, our wise leaders have determined that our Children will have more resources than they’ll need. Note that the Dittohead word “pay” is not derived from English but is instead a contraction of the phrase “Parties All Year.”
Paypahss What the Gestapo used demand from People who looked like they didn’t belong. It’s completely different from the new “breathing while brown” Immigration Law in Arizona, since an Arizona cop will pronounce it “paypurz”
Pay for Itself A phrase frequently used by Dittohead Politicians (most recently Fred Thompson) to justify Tax tweaks that economists say will Cost Trillions. The 'heads have this one Right though – they really do Pay! Not that Tax Cuts don’t cause huge Deficits. They pay for themselves by enabling the Rich Conservative Candidate to Pay less of his own Money when buying his Negative Television ads.
Peace A period when the Military is not engaging armed aggressors. We’re technically in one of these. This won’t do, considering the advantages of War for our Political Advertisements. Fortunately, like our hero Abe pointed out, you can fool all of the people.
Peak Earning Years A nice excuse to keep Tax Cuts in the Budget. With the Boomers in their peak earning years, the extra amount rolling into the Social Security Trust Fund makes the Deficit look teensy. Hopefully we’ll have the cuts locked in before the Boomers retire in a couple of years and Taxpayers have to cover redemption of those Trust Fund Bonds.
Pearl Harbor Day A reminder that an attack by one country on another sometimes doesn’t work out so well for Country A. Yet another example of a Lesson applicable to Foreign Countries but not Country USA.
Peep The sound being made by the Bush Administration over the Democratic Congress not having the War Budget ready by April, as opposed to No Peep when the Republican Congress delivered last year’s budget in June.
Pension Fund A pool of capital that is particularly handy during company liquidations.
People Wealthy Campaign Contributors, as used in phrases like "it's the People's money" and "we think People should be able to keep more of their own money." (Don’t think so? Better dust off that high school math textbook!)
Period of Consolidation and Evaluation The technical name for the high point of a Surge, adopted by Bush’s buddy David as a Scientific explanation of why this particular surge hasn’t yet reached the part where things start flowing back out again. Why is it scientific? Well, just look at all those words.
Perjury A Crime that, as a rule, is an important target for Prosecution by the Bush Department of Justice (see Libby) and by Republicans in general (see Clinton). There’s an exception to every Rule of Law, of course, and ours is when the Lie comes from the Attorney General.
Permanent 1. The implied companion word to the phrase “Tax Cuts,” sometimes omitted in the interests of simplicity or temporarily fooling Voters. 2. A Dittohead term properly rendered in English as “temporary,” for example in the phrase “Bush’s Tax Cuts, once made permanent, will Jump Start the Economy (until resulting Deficits make the Debt so large that taxation must Increase by a larger amount to cover the original cuts plus Interest). Per proper Dittohead grammatical construction, the parenthetical phrase is Silent.
Petroleum The miraculous substance that is the basis of modern civilization. Used for creating virtually all Drugs, the majority of useful substances for home and commercial use, and those majority of devices requiring lightweight moldable components. Most of it gets burned up in SUVs. Happily, there's enough to last as long as any Conservative living today (unless Scientists get too creative with those drugs!)
Photo ID A nifty way of making poor folks who are probably Democrats drop out of Voting rather than go through lots of time and expense for no other reason. There’s also no other reason to require these IDs, since you’d have to be pretty dumb to risk Prison just to cast one extra ballot.
Picture 1. A word sometimes used to describe a situation, for example the phrase "what's wrong with this picture?" as might have been used by the Founding Fathers upon seeing the News headline "President Declares Secret Prisons Invaluable." We ourselves say "picture Perfect!" 2. Something worth 1,000 words, or in the case of the fake pics we use to exaggerate the size of the mobs at our anti-Obama rallies, 1,000 Lies.
Plan B The morning after contraceptive that, with our demand for restricting use by teenagers, has revealed an important Truth: we don’t care about the Abortions they might need so much as the sex that might make them need one.
Planted How Rush described how Senator and Mrs. Edwards got out the News that she has cancer again, fearlessly showing how some people will do anything to get a little extra Media exposure. Have they no Shame?!!!
Poisonous How the White House described a recent comment by Pelosi. It shouldn’t be a surprise, considering how much we’ve been talking with North Korea. In fact, next week you can expect us to be calling her a “running dog paper tiger.”
Polarization According to Rove’s recent surprising comment, the destination that Obama’s “Actions and rhetoric” are taking the Country at an “accelerated” rate. Who would have thought that Karl would be giving the new President his highest praise!
Police State The Threat of an overactive Government that the Tea Party has been railing against, in between railing for giving police the Power to interrogate anyone who looks like they don’t belong (see Arizona Immigration Law).
Policy Rove’s former responsibility. The way he does it, it’s like how an insurance agent handles a policy. You give the agent Money and he makes sure you’re taken care of when you have special needs.
Political Correctness The most important social development of the last 20 years, the Conservative’s Get Out of Jail Free card. Whenever we screw up all we have to say is “my remarks were blown out of proportion by the PC police.” A huge edge over Liberals, who don’t get to use it.
Politicize 1. A word that has the same meaning for Policy that “marinade” has for turkey. 2. Bush’s new plan to put a Political Operative in charge of every Government Scientist, to make sure their Facts are Right.
Ponzi Scheme A Wealth-creation mechanism whereby investors, attracted to the prospect of returns, provide the increasing level of Investment needed to sustain these returns. While this might seem to be exactly how the Stock Market Works, the difference is that a Ponzi scheme is illegal. (It's actually the only difference).
Pool A way to Spend Money you're not supposed to have, for example when Goldman Sachs was able to get a $10B Bailout from Taxpayers at the same time they were Paying $10B in Christmas Bonuses for Executives, because the Money was in different “pools.”
Popularity A quality measured by the size and Energy of crowds like those at Florida Recount locations in 2000 and Iraq Victory celebrations in 2004. Of course, popularity morphs into Celebrity (a bad thing) when it goes to the Extreme (i.e. a Democrat is involved).
Porn A Natural instinct gone Wrong when taken to Extreme, for example sex videos for men, shoe movies for women, and, for us (should it ever happen), an excessive number of prime time Invasions of Muslim countries.
Port The entry point for the largest items that get the least scrutiny. We’re putting them under the ownership of Middle East countries, given their experience in port operations (specifically porting in tons of Oil Money).
Posterity 1. A group of generous Americans who have agreed to assume Responsibility for a substantial proportion of the current Generation’s Government expenses, as well as the Interest it will take to roll these expenses down to them. (Well, they didn’t disagree.) 2. Our brilliant sons, daughters, grandchildren, and their descendents. (Of course they’re brilliant; they’re our descendents, aren’t they?) They’re so smart they’re going to find a way to Pay off the Debt, restore the Earth from the effects of our Environmental Policy, find a replacement for Petroleum once it’s all burnt up, and last but definitely not least, pay our Social Security benefits. They’ll do all these things using Science.
Postpone The natural Conservative way to deal with a Problem. Want lower Taxes but need to Pay for an Optional War at the same time? Just postpone the taxes by calling it a “Tax Cut”. OK, taxes actually go up when you do that (see Interest), but Dittoheads understand the Power of Semantics in overcoming Trivial details like Reality.
Powerless Our expressed preference for the EPA’s responsibility to do something about Global Warming, recently repudiated by the Supreme Court. We finally now have an answer to Liberals who say that all we want is more Power!
Prairie Dogs An important constituency of Red State senators. The 30 million critters represented by Republican senators give the GOP parity with the 161 million People represented by Democratic senators (once you include the red state Citizens with only two legs).
Preconditions The application of the principle of efficiency to Foreign Policy. Negotiations become much less time-consuming when talks don’t even start until the Enemy has conceded your position. In the best case, not a single second is wasted - either because the entire session is devoted to the signing ceremony, or because the prattle never happens in the first place.
Preexisting Condition A standard way for insurers to deny Payment of a Medical Claim, for example pregnancy and cancer. It’s a stepping stone for our eventual Target Policy, i.e. that we will sell you a policy only on “condition” that you never get sick.
Prescription 1. The Drug therapy that Conservative Legislators and Conservative pharmacists feel is Right for a Patient. 2. An authorization for a powerful Drug. People criticize our prescription plan for being too complicated, but it’s really very simple. Our prescription is always “more Tax Cuts.”
President The Hereditary Leader of the country, anointed by God (and the Church of Conservatism) with authority to ignore the Legislature, initiate War, and put Citizens in Prison without trial. He’s not royalty, though. Everyone knows that kings and queens don’t have that kind of Power anymore!
President's Day It’s good that George W. is being recognized but his name should really be front and center. How about “George W. Bush and Some Other Guys Day?” (You didn’t think we meant that first George, did you? He wasn’t even a Republican!)
Pretext A reason for doing something we already have a reason for doing.
Preview A vision of the Future. Bush’s, as recently stated, is that the People of the Middle East will link hands in the joy of each other’s company. The peripheral part of this vision is that the Losses in recent Elections are not a Wake Up Call but a hanging chad kind of thing.
Price An unimportant detail (for example the price of Oil) that Americans need to chill on. Voters should heed the Republican path to serenity when things you want Cost more than you want to Pay: just line up your Unborn Children to pick up the expense (see Debt).
Principle Doing things for Right reasons. Sometimes Liberals claim to be acting on principle, like when Al Gore made Global Warming the focus of his Campaign even though Voters didn’t care about it, on the principle of protecting Posterity. He forgot that the most important principle is that you can’t show off your principles if you’re not in Power.
Principled Stand A GOP strength, as recently shown by Pat Robertson’s endorsement of Rudy. Some might say that it’s in conflict with his calling Homosexual Marriage more important than 9/11, but there’s no conflict at all. You just have to recognize that the controlling Republican Principle is “Winning.”
Priority How you Decide what’s important, like when Bush said “before we raise Taxes [to allow Maintenance of Infrastructure like Bridges], which could affect Economic Growth, I would strongly urge the Congress to examine how they set priorities.” They should do it like he does: set something as a priority (like rebuilding New Orleans) but then don’t actually spend any Money on it.
Private Enterprise A key Dittohead enthusiasm. Our great contribution to American Politics is the application of capitalism (i.e., Compensation for services rendered) to Government operations (see Campaign Contributions).
Private Sector The economic sector most highly regarded by Republicans. Should we fail in business, we know we can still get a Job in Government (as long as we haven’t failed to develop the Right Cronies). While it’s likely we’ll fail there too, at least we’ll have a secure paycheck while we wait for the revolving door to give us yet another shot (see Halliburton).
Privatization A highly effective strategy for eliminating Government Waste, Fraud, and Abuse. It prevents abusive public sector employee unions from fraudulently collecting union dues and wasting them on Liberal Campaign Contributions. Instead, union leaders are replaced by company Executives whose contributions go to Conservatives. A real policy win-win!
Problem An Issue for which a Conservative Solution is needed, exemplified by Bush saying that he will "solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.” His is a particularly good example because he always finds a way to solve multiple problems at the same time, like when he kicks off the Invasion needed to solve his Reelection problem, at the same time solving the problem of the Increased Taxes needed to Pay for it by Passing the Bill to Future Presidents and Future Generations.
Procrastination A symptom of laziness. While some might argue that Conservatives are behaving this way when we Postpone Payment for our Government purchases (see earmark and Borrowing), it’s not laziness because Ramming through Tax Cuts requires lots of Energy.
Profiteering An example of the Church of Conservatism’s supply side Economic Values. We supply companies on our side (see Cronies) with contracts and Wars, and they get to economize on the value they have to provide (see Halliburton).Democrat Party ploy to frustrate Bush’s Constitutional Right to make Recess Appointments that frustrate the Senate’s Constitutional Duty to provide Advice and Consent on Nominees.
Program A means of routinely achieving a desired outcome. For example, we have a three-step program for presidential greatness: 1) Flood the country with Free Money 2) Use some of it to buy lots of cool Military stuff to Inspire Patriots and to bankrupt competitors 3) Talk up how great it is to live in a country where such things are possible!
Progress 1. The inevitable improvements in society that will arise as we move Forward towards the advanced social Values of the Nineteenth Century. 2. Having things in the same situation they were three years ago (see Iraq). Considering how our initiatives usually end up deep in the hole, being able to Spin that things are more or less the same really is progress!
Proliferation Development of Nuclear technology (spelled nucular in Dittohead). It always requires a forceful response, although the precise nature of this response depends on circumstances (i.e., whether or not we like the Foreign Country blowing off the Warhead). If it’s India, we forcefully send them uranium.
Promise 1. Saying we’ll do something in the Future that Voters find attractive now (see Reelection), e.g. promising to cut the Deficit in half. We take our promises seriously, by conscientiously pretending that they will be achieved (see Budget) right up to the point that the Right Excuse comes along. 2. As opposed to a Threat, it’s what Rudy says he’s making towards Iran when he talks about Action. He’s also promising to break their bones with sticks and stones.
Prop The Immoral use of a Child in a Political Advertisement, as recently done by Democrats for Children's Health. Everyone knows that the only proper usages of props are as Backdrops with tiers of soldiers applauding War Speeches and Iraqi purple fingers for Stay the Course speeches. Children should only be mentioned when talking about the Future (see Posterity); only Liberals talk about them in the present tense.
Proportionality Proper prioritization, for example when the GOP devoted 120 hours of hearings to how Clinton used the White House Christmas card list and 12 hours on some soldiers blowing off Steam in Abu Ghraib. The latter is of course an example of Congress spending a disproportionately large amount of time on Trivia.
Prosecutor A variety of Officeholder whose Job description is Evolving. They used to be like Government Whistleblowers. The disadvantage of this approach was that it resulted in prosecutions. We’re Solving this problem by turning them into Political Operatives.
Protect To lock up. For example, we want to protect Right Values by locking up Abortion Doctors, locking up Industry control of the Environment, and locking and loading on any Foreign Country that looks at us sideways. Once we’ve locked in our congressional majorities, everything else we want to do is a lock!
Provocative A kind of Question, like the one Bush got recently about why he said we were “absolutely winning” in Iraq a few weeks before he said we were “not winning.” He called this provocative because it implied he’d made a Mistake. As if! He just knows that People will question his Conviction about the need for a Surge if he Stays the Course on his rosy scenario Talking points.
Public Opinion How People feel about those in Power. It can expressed in a number of ways. When opposition to Government decisions is expressed as Low Polls, Politicians facing Reelection Pay attention. When the Deciders consistently Ignore public opinion (something Dittoheads applaud), it tends to be expressed as rockets (e.g. over Baltimore Harbor or Gaza City).
Pucker The latest fashion craze among top-tier French designers of men’s suits, inspired by expensive jeans treated to look cheap and worn. Suits with huge puckers have been flying off the racks ever since Bush modeled the style in his first two Debates.
Pullout 1. A synonym for Tough Love when associated with some Treaties (see Kyoto) but not others (see NAFTA). 2. A synonym for Surrender when associated with some Incursions (see US Invasion of Iraq) but not others (see Turkish Invasion of Iraq).
Click if you like:
Click if you hate: