Sher Wright's Devils Dictionary Project

Sher's Blog Archive Hits

Page A young Government assistant completely unlike an intern. (If you don’t get this, see Ethics)

Pain A Result that must avoided at all costs, based on Bush and Rove’s seminal insight that Americans can’t stand it when a Politician withholds goodies, be they continued Pork or new Tax Cuts. In fact, we’re changing the last line of the Star Spangled Banner to “the land of the Free and the home of no pain.”

Painless A common characteristic of Conservative proposals. It’s not that they won’t cause any pain; they just don’t cause any pain for current Voters. Posterity is fair game.

Panama Another example of a Bush Invasion that landed the dictator in Jail. A great reason to hang in for Victory! Of course, Dad was Competent.

Pander 1. Isn’t this one of those funny-looking bears from China? 2. Oh, yeah – it’s what Liberals call our Fundraising. Aren’t they hoity-toity!

Partisan A qualified job applicant for a Government position, particularly in Intelligence Agencies and boards of Election. Liberals need not apply.

Party Line Vote What happens when Conservatives stand up for their heartfelt personal Values at the same time that Liberals pander to their special interest Contributors.

Pass Down The opposite of Inherit, since inheriting means getting while passing down means Giving. In our case, it’s really the opposite, since we’re inheriting Wealth and passing down Debt.

Patience According to Bush, what we need more of to achieve Victory. And we’re getting more every day (if you count Veteran Patients).

Patient A kind of medical Terrorist who can set off a lawsuit against one of our HMOs at any time totally without warning!

Patriot 1. The normal Conservative attitude towards America when 1) the Military is kicking butt, 2) the Military would be kicking butt if there were any butt we could get away with kicking (patience, patience), 3) there is no Liberal draft. 2. A Conservative Gun owner fully prepared to take up arms to defend the Constitution (except for the Liberal parts that shyster lawyers love) from encroachments by elected representatives. Of course, to defend the Constitution they’d have to, technically speaking, overthrow it, but hey! you can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Patriotism Pride in how strong your country is. Just remember that concern for keeping your country strong in the Future is liberalism, not patriotism.

Patton Our favorite General, based on his opinion that generals should get taken out by the last bullet before Victory.

Pause 1. Stopping Warfare, as in a pause in a Bombing Campaign. 2. Continuing Warfare, as in a pause in the Surge withdrawal.

Pay The allocation of available resources for desired goods or services. We desire lots of goods and services but don’t want to allocate that level of resources. Happily, our wise leaders have determined that our Children will have more resources than they’ll need. Note that the Dittohead word “pay” is not derived from English but is instead a contraction of the phrase “Parties All Year.”

Payback A normal part of Political give and take. Specifically, we give our Enemies the shaft, taking as many Liberties with Facts as necessary to get the job done.

Payoff The solution to any Political problem. Iraq is no exception (see Rebuilding Program).

Pay for Itself A phrase frequently used by Dittohead Politicians (most recently Fred Thompson) to justify Tax tweaks that economists say will Cost Trillions. The 'heads have this one Right though – they really do Pay! Not that Tax Cuts don’t cause huge Deficits. They pay for themselves by enabling the Rich Conservative Candidate to Pay less of his own Money when buying his Negative Television ads.

PayGo While many believe this is a contraction of the phrase Pay as you Go, our preferred Rendition is Payment Goes to Posterity.

Peace A period when the Military is not engaging armed aggressors. We’re technically in one of these. This won’t do, considering the advantages of War for our Political Advertisements. Fortunately, like our hero Abe pointed out, you can fool all of the people.

Peace Broker The role Bush has been trying out in his new Middle East Diplomacy - with noticeable discomfort - since he’s had so much more practice as a Peace breaker (see Invasion).

Peak Earning Years A nice excuse to keep Tax Cuts in the Budget. With the Boomers in their peak earning years, the extra amount rolling into the Social Security Trust Fund makes the Deficit look teensy. Hopefully we’ll have the cuts locked in before the Boomers retire in a couple of years and Taxpayers have to cover redemption of those Trust Fund Bonds.

Pearl Harbor Day A reminder that an attack by one country on another sometimes doesn’t work out so well for Country A. Yet another example of a Lesson applicable to Foreign Countries but not Country USA.

Peep The sound being made by the Bush Administration over the Democratic Congress not having the War Budget ready by April, as opposed to No Peep when the Republican Congress delivered last year’s budget in June.

Pension Fund A pool of capital that is particularly handy during company liquidations.

People Wealthy Campaign Contributors, as used in phrases like "it's the People's money" and "we think People should be able to keep more of their own money." (Don’t think so? Better dust off that high school math textbook!)

Perfect Having no Weaknesses. Only God is perfect, so Science class should teach Religion until Scientists’ understanding of God’s perfect handiwork is equally perfect.

Performance A reason to remove Prosecutors, for example when they unethically withhold occupation of their Job from one of our Cronies.

Period An important tool for GOP Spin. For example, Bush describes the “Kyoto period” as “over” but the “Terrorist Threat Period” as still in its full Flower!

Period of Consolidation and Evaluation The technical name for the high point of a Surge, adopted by Bush’s buddy David as a Scientific explanation of why this particular surge hasn’t yet reached the part where things start flowing back out again. Why is it scientific? Well, just look at all those words.

Perjury A Crime that, as a rule, is an important target for Prosecution by the Bush Department of Justice (see Libby) and by Republicans in general (see Clinton). There’s an exception to every Rule of Law, of course, and ours is when the Lie comes from the Attorney General.

Permanent 1. The implied companion word to the phrase “Tax Cuts,” sometimes omitted in the interests of simplicity or temporarily fooling Voters. 2. A Dittohead term properly rendered in English as “temporary,” for example in the phrase “Bush’s Tax Cuts, once made permanent, will Jump Start the Economy (until resulting Deficits make the Debt so large that taxation must Increase by a larger amount to cover the original cuts plus Interest). Per proper Dittohead grammatical construction, the parenthetical phrase is Silent.

Permission Having to get others to agree with us. Bush has vowed that he’ll never ask permission to Protect the US. He will, however, sell permission (see Port).

Petroleum The miraculous substance that is the basis of modern civilization. Used for creating virtually all Drugs, the majority of useful substances for home and commercial use, and those majority of devices requiring lightweight moldable components. Most of it gets burned up in SUVs. Happily, there's enough to last as long as any Conservative living today (unless Scientists get too creative with those drugs!)

Photo ID A nifty way of making poor folks who are probably Democrats drop out of Voting rather than go through lots of time and expense for no other reason. There’s also no other reason to require these IDs, since you’d have to be pretty dumb to risk Prison just to cast one extra ballot.

Picture A word sometimes used to describe a situation, for example the phrase "what's wrong with this picture?" as might have been used by the Founding Fathers upon seeing the News headline "President Declares Secret Prisons Invaluable." We ourselves say "picture perfect!"

Piety Integration of devotion into one’s daily life. We take pains to show our piety every day, particularly at Fundraisers and campaign appearances.

Plagiarism Ann’s clever Strategy for getting to Conservative Truth in the most efficient manner.

Plan A short-hand way of saying “keep doing things exactly the same way” as in "our plan to clean up the Messes we’ve made with the Deficit and the War."

Plan B The morning after contraceptive that, with our demand for restricting use by teenagers, has revealed an important Truth: we don’t care about the Abortions they might need so much as the sex that might make them need one.

Planted How Rush described how Senator and Mrs. Edwards got out the News that she has cancer again, fearlessly showing how some people will do anything to get a little extra Media exposure. Have they no Shame?!!!

Pleasure of the President The Power a President has to Fire a Prosecutor for any reason he wants. When combined with executive privilege, it means he can Lie about why he did it.

Plots Foiled Alternative phrasing of Bring ‘em On.

Plutonium 1. A useful substance we want to make again, for Secret reasons. 2. A useful substance for justifying Invasions when we think Foreign Countries want to make it in secret.

Poisonous How the White House described a recent comment by Pelosi. It shouldn’t be a surprise, considering how much we’ve been talking with North Korea. In fact, next week you can expect us to be calling her a “running dog paper tiger.”

Policy Rove’s former responsibility. The way he does it, it’s like how an insurance agent handles a policy. You give the agent Money and he makes sure you’re taken care of when you have special needs.

Political Advertisement A short Television documentary on an opponent's evil, Liberal nature.

Political Advisor The unelected Officeholder who determines what policy will be executed. Prior to democracy, this position was called “King.”

Political Capital From the same root as “capital punishment,” a phrase referring to the Power to have big men dragging you to a place you don’t want to go!

Political Correctness The most important social development of the last 20 years, the Conservative’s Get Out of Jail Free card. Whenever we screw up all we have to say is “my remarks were blown out of proportion by the PC police.” A huge edge over Liberals, who don’t get to use it.

Political Statement 1. Pelosi signing off on non-binding language in a Iraq Budget. 2. Not Bush Vetoing that Bill (since that’s really a Non-Signing Statement).

Politically Incorrect 1. The foolish Liberal tendency towards excessive sensitivity to saying something that’s True. 2. Saying that the Lives of soldiers in Iraq have been Wasted.

Politician A Conservative entrusted with ensuring that the People’s money is being properly spent. A good politician never forgets how hard-earned those Campaign Contributions were.

Politicize 1. A word that has the same meaning for Policy that “marinade” has for turkey. 2. Bush’s new plan to put a Political Operative in charge of every Government Scientist, to make sure their Facts are Right.

Politics The art of the possible. Of course, all things are possible with God, which is why we keep mentioning Him in our campaign appearances.

Polls When they’re up, they’re a reason to crow about our inevitable Reelection victory. When they’re down, they’re a reason to crow about the Liberal Media’s ignoring of our Successes.

Pork How we keep our local Incumbents in Power for Life. Literally, "Purchase Of Regional Kingdoms."

Porn A Natural instinct gone Wrong when taken to Extreme, for example sex videos for men, shoe movies for women, and, for us (should it ever happen), an excessive number of prime time Invasions of Muslim countries.

Port The entry point for the largest items that get the least scrutiny. We’re putting them under the ownership of Middle East countries, given their experience in port operations (specifically porting in tons of Oil Money).

Positive and Constructive Role Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki’s smiling complement to the president of Iran on that country’s involvement with Iraq (for example the IEDs).

Posterity 1. A group of generous Americans who have agreed to assume Responsibility for a substantial proportion of the current Generation’s Government expenses, as well as the Interest it will take to roll these expenses down to them. (Well, they didn’t disagree.) 2. Our brilliant sons, daughters, grandchildren, and their descendents. (Of course they’re brilliant; they’re our descendents, aren’t they?) They’re so smart they’re going to find a way to Pay off the Debt, restore the Earth from the effects of our Environmental Policy, find a replacement for Petroleum once it’s all burnt up, and last but definitely not least, pay our Social Security benefits. They’ll do all these things using Science.

Postpone The natural Conservative way to deal with a Problem. Want lower Taxes but need to Pay for an Optional War at the same time? Just postpone the taxes by calling it a “Tax Cut”. OK, taxes actually go up when you do that (see Interest), but Dittoheads understand the Power of Semantics in overcoming Trivial details like Reality.

Power The ability to make things right. In our case, far Right!

Powerless Our expressed preference for the EPA’s responsibility to do something about Global Warming, recently repudiated by the Supreme Court. We finally now have an answer to Liberals who say that all we want is more Power!

Prairie Dogs An important constituency of Red State senators. The 30 million critters represented by Republican senators give the GOP parity with the 161 million People represented by Democratic senators (once you include the red state Citizens with only two legs).

Prayer An important Conservative Value. It’s so important we’ve made it our principal Strategy in Iraq.

Precedent 1. (Archaic) The Supreme Court term for settled Law. 2. Our new Supreme Court's term for a mulligan.

Preconditions The application of the principle of efficiency to Foreign Policy. Negotiations become much less time-consuming when talks don’t even start until the Enemy has conceded your position. In the best case, not a single second is wasted - either because the entire session is devoted to the signing ceremony, or because the prattle never happens in the first place.

Preemption A technique employed in Foreign Policy negotiations.

Prescription 1. The Drug therapy that Conservative Legislators and Conservative pharmacists feel is Right for a Patient. 2. An authorization for a powerful Drug. People criticize our prescription plan for being too complicated, but it’s really very simple. Our prescription is always “more Tax Cuts.”

Presidency 1. The Message delivery platform for the Political Advisor in Power. 2. The Super Bowl of Elections. Bush just won, but he didn't go to Disney World. He went to Fallujah!

President The Hereditary Leader of the country, anointed by God (and the Church of Conservatism) with authority to ignore the Legislature, initiate War, and put Citizens in Prison without trial. He’s not royalty, though. Everyone knows that kings and queens don’t have that kind of Power anymore!

President's Day It’s good that George W. is being recognized but his name should really be front and center. How about “George W. Bush and Some Other Guys Day?” (You didn’t think we meant that first George, did you? He wasn’t even a Republican!)

Pressure McCain’s planned Policy towards the Leaders of Cuba. Those wondering how you can pressure People you won’t Talk with don’t understand how Bombs Work.

Presumption of Innocence As applied to Crime, nobody is guilty until the trial is complete. As applied to Conservative Ethics, nobody is guilty because the trial never starts.

Pretender 1. A claimant to a throne. 2. A person who feigns belief or disbelief in order to evade consequences. 1+2. George W. Bush.

Pretext A reason for doing something we already have a reason for doing.

Prevention A quality sold by the ounce. We prefer to buy cure by the pound (see Bold Action).

Preview A vision of the Future. Bush’s, as recently stated, is that the People of the Middle East will link hands in the joy of each other’s company. The peripheral part of this vision is that the Losses in recent Elections are not a Wake Up Call but a hanging chad kind of thing.

Price An unimportant detail (for example the price of Oil) that Americans need to chill on. Voters should heed the Republican path to serenity when things you want Cost more than you want to Pay: just line up your Unborn Children to pick up the expense (see Debt).

Pride An important Conservative value. We’re proud to have picked up the torch from Abe and Teddy and the cross from Jesus.

Priesthood The elite cadre of the Church of Conservatism (see Base), chosen the same way that God chose Jesus – by Heredity (see Inheritance).

Primary A kind of Election where the opinion of the Base is most Powerful. In other words, the best kind.

Principle Doing things for Right reasons. Sometimes Liberals claim to be acting on principle, like when Al Gore made Global Warming the focus of his Campaign even though Voters didn’t care about it, on the principle of protecting Posterity. He forgot that the most important principle is that you can’t show off your principles if you’re not in Power.

Principled Stand A GOP strength, as recently shown by Pat Robertson’s endorsement of Rudy. Some might say that it’s in conflict with his calling Homosexual Marriage more important than 9/11, but there’s no conflict at all. You just have to recognize that the controlling Republican Principle is “Winning.”

Priority How you Decide what’s important, like when Bush said “before we raise Taxes [to allow Maintenance of Infrastructure like Bridges], which could affect Economic Growth, I would strongly urge the Congress to examine how they set priorities.” They should do it like he does: set something as a priority (like rebuilding New Orleans) but then don’t actually spend any Money on it.

Prison A dormitory for the targets of Liberal affection (see Immigrants and Minorities). In Iraq, it has an additional role for R&R.

Private Enterprise A key Dittohead enthusiasm. Our great contribution to American Politics is the application of capitalism (i.e., Compensation for services rendered) to Government operations (see Campaign Contributions).

Private Sector The economic sector most highly regarded by Republicans. Should we fail in business, we know we can still get a Job in Government (as long as we haven’t failed to develop the Right Cronies). While it’s likely we’ll fail there too, at least we’ll have a secure paycheck while we wait for the revolving door to give us yet another shot (see Halliburton).

Privatization A highly effective strategy for eliminating Government Waste, Fraud, and Abuse. It prevents abusive public sector employee unions from fraudulently collecting union dues and wasting them on Liberal Campaign Contributions. Instead, union leaders are replaced by company Executives whose contributions go to Conservatives. A real policy win-win!

Privileges and Advantages If God didn’t wanted us to keep them He wouldn’t have given them to us in the first place.

Problem An Issue for which a Conservative Solution is needed, exemplified by Bush saying that he will "solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.” His is a particularly good example because he always finds a way to solve multiple problems at the same time, like when he kicks off the Invasion needed to solve his Reelection problem, at the same time solving the problem of the Increased Taxes needed to Pay for it by Passing the Bill to Future Presidents and Future Generations.

Procrastination A symptom of laziness. While some might argue that Conservatives are behaving this way when we Postpone Payment for our Government purchases (see earmark and Borrowing), it’s not laziness because Ramming through Tax Cuts requires lots of Energy.

Profiteering An example of the Church of Conservatism’s supply side Economic Values. We supply companies on our side (see Cronies) with contracts and Wars, and they get to economize on the value they have to provide (see Halliburton).

Pro Forma Session A sneaky Democrat Party ploy to frustrate Bush’s Constitutional Right to make Recess Appointments that frustrate the Senate’s Constitutional Duty to provide Advice and Consent on Nominees.

Program A means of routinely achieving a desired outcome. For example, we have a three-step program for presidential greatness: 1) Flood the country with Free Money 2) Use some of it to buy lots of cool Military stuff to Inspire Patriots and to bankrupt competitors 3) Talk up how great it is to live in a country where such things are possible!

Progress 1. The inevitable improvements in society that will arise as we move Forward towards the advanced social Values of the Nineteenth Century. 2. Having things in the same situation they were three years ago (see Iraq). Considering how our initiatives usually end up deep in the hole, being able to Spin that things are more or less the same really is progress!

Proliferation Development of Nuclear technology (spelled nucular in Dittohead). It always requires a forceful response, although the precise nature of this response depends on circumstances (i.e., whether or not we like the Foreign Country blowing off the Warhead). If it’s India, we forcefully send them uranium.

Promise 1. Saying we’ll do something in the Future that Voters find attractive now (see Reelection), e.g. promising to cut the Deficit in half. We take our promises seriously, by conscientiously pretending that they will be achieved (see Budget) right up to the point that the Right Excuse comes along. 2. As opposed to a Threat, it’s what Rudy says he’s making towards Iran when he talks about Action. He’s also promising to break their bones with sticks and stones.

Prop The Immoral use of a Child in a Political Advertisement, as recently done by Democrats for Children's Health. Everyone knows that the only proper usages of props are as Backdrops with tiers of soldiers applauding War Speeches and Iraqi purple fingers for Stay the Course speeches. Children should only be mentioned when talking about the Future (see Posterity); only Liberals talk about them in the present tense.

Prophet The Church of Conservatism’s source of Holy writ. It’s no coincidence that it’s pronounced the same as profit.

Proportionality Proper prioritization, for example when the GOP devoted 120 hours of hearings to how Clinton used the White House Christmas card list and 12 hours on some soldiers blowing off Steam in Abu Ghraib. The latter is of course an example of Congress spending a disproportionately large amount of time on Trivia.

Prosecutor A variety of Officeholder whose Job description is Evolving. They used to be like Government Whistleblowers. The disadvantage of this approach was that it resulted in prosecutions. We’re Solving this problem by turning them into Political Operatives.

Protect To lock up. For example, we want to protect Right Values by locking up Abortion Doctors, locking up Industry control of the Environment, and locking and loading on any Foreign Country that looks at us sideways. Since we’ve locked in our congressional majorities, everything else we want to do is a lock!

Provocative A kind of Question, like the one Bush got recently about why he said we were “absolutely winning” in Iraq a few weeks before he said we were “not winning.” He called this provocative because it implied he’d made a Mistake. As if! He just knows that People will question his Conviction about the need for a Surge if he Stays the Course on his rosy scenario Talking points.

Pucker The latest fashion craze among top-tier French designers of men’s suits, inspired by expensive jeans treated to look cheap and worn. Suits with huge puckers have been flying off the racks ever since Bush modeled the style in his first two Debates.

Pullout 1. A synonym for Tough Love when associated with some Treaties (see Kyoto) but not others (see NAFTA). 2. A synonym for Surrender when associated with some Incursions (see US Invasion of Iraq) but not others (see Turkish Invasion of Iraq).

Pull up Socks To acknowledge Reality, as used in the recent Rumsfeld memo. Two days later Rummy was canned. That’s what he gets for not acknowledging the Reality that his boss doesn’t do Reality!

Purple Heart A Medal that’s no big deal, particularly when held by Liberals. You just have to be lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time.

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