Sher's Blog Archive Hits
3 AM The witching hour, when lady senators are "manning" the phones and old white male senators are loudly snoring.
Table 1) Where boys play with their toy soldiers 2) Where Bush keeps all of his options, including “ridiculous” options like invading a second Foreign Country in the Axis of Evil that we think is working on WMD (as opposed to already having them).
Tacit The kind of approval Bush said the Supreme Court gave him when they didn’t mention Gitmo while repudiating his Enemy Combatant Tribunals. By that Logic, their decision also tacitly approved his plans to Criminalize Abortion.
Take Back America The Citizen’s movement to preserve the Freedom to: 1) be denied coverage for Preexisting Conditions 2) be Bankrupted by Medical Bills 3) have our retirement savings evaporate when traders pursuing big Bonuses crash the system 4) preserve the Freedom the Supreme Court has just found in the Constitution for Foreign Corporations to Spend unlimited amounts of Money to defeat US Candidates they don’t like.
Taliban A radical group formed when a superpower invaded a country to improve its form of Government. Instead, this country became a nest for terrorists. This was of course an improvement (see Flypaper).
Talk A cheap way of showing our Concern for Children. We can score easy points with Soccer Moms without Inconvenient action on pedophile congressmen (see Page), school shooters (see Gun), or their Future prospects (see Debt and Global Warming).
Talk Radio Rush Radioland.
Target Something that won’t be around too much longer. (Trust us - this is a core Competence). This is particularly true for Deficit targets, which have routinely Exploded every year Bush has been President.
Tax 1. Evil criminal theft by Liberals, robbing Americans of their hard-earned dollars to fund soft-headed social experiments. 2. A source of capital for the enterprises that provide the very essentials of life: food (see Agriculture), Jobs, religion (see Religious Organization), transportation (see Airlines), and security (see Military). 3. The sword (along with Debt, the shield) by which Liberals will finally be exterminated.
Teabagging A ridiculous, adolescent, and – no getting around it - obscene Act involving balls and mouths. The latter belong to mouthpieces for Right wing fat cats trying to get Citizens to Believe that Wal-Mart Republicans care about restoring Reagan-era top bracket Tax rates. And elected representatives talking at “taxation without representation” tea parties definitely brings to mind the word “balls.”
Teddy Another paragon of Conservative values. Forget Rushmore – we should dot out Teddy Roosevelt's face in Arctic National Wildlife Reserve Oil wells! (We need that space on the mountain for Ronnie anyway.)
Teen Psychology The way you stop a teenager from doing something, by doing the same thing. No way they want to be seen agreeing with an adult! It’s like asking a Dittohead Politician about Obama supporting a position he previously Held.
Telegenic An actual Job characteristic sought by the Bush Administration in the search for a new FEMA head. While it may not be substantive, Liberal carpers have to admit it’s a step up from Crony (not that we won’t start looking there).
Temporary A term sometimes employed for legal reasons to describe the first several years of a permanent change, especially as related to Tax Cuts.
Ten Commandments Our favorite is "Honor Thy Father and Mother." We want to make sure our Children hear that one in school so they have the right attitude when they have to make our Debt and Social Security payments.
Terminate To Fire for Job unsuitability. Contrary to popular opinion, we sometimes fire Officeholders (see Prosecutors) for non-Political reasons, for example the Loyal Bushie we canned because of gossip about Homosexuality.
Terrorist Someone who, driven by inflammatory language from pious Leaders, is ready to kill, maim, and intimidate in pursuit of his mission from God. Although the Abortion Clinics and Homosexual bars remain open, we can still take Pride in our Heroes out there defending Life and Right Values. (Note: this definition is brought to you by Eric Rudolph).
Terrorist Trials Our proposed tweak to the Constitution to allow bad kinds of Terrorists to be tried as Enemy Combatants, as long as good kinds of terrorists like the Abortion Doctor Shooter remain Free to Lawyer Up.
Texas The model State, with the most advanced Social Policy. The very cradle of modern Conservatism (see Rove - California lost its shot when Reagan went to the White House and the state went pinko.) Thanks to Pete Feistmann for the suggestion.
Thanksgiving A celebration of good relations between indigenous peoples and settlers. Maybe we’d better cool it before people in the Middle East start getting the wrong idea about how we feel about such things!
Theater A three-thousand year old craft that has reached its full flowering under playwright Karl Rove. His masterwork “Town Hall Meeting” is now playing to packed houses around the country. This groundbreaking play incorporates the avant-garde device of giving lines not only to the Actors on the stage but the audience as well, an innovation first introduced in Rove’s earlier work “Press Conference.”
Theme In the performing Arts, the music that accompanies the arrival of a particular character. Considering the airstrikes and Terrorist reaction that accompany our Adventures, our theme’s gotta be BOOM!
Theocracy A form of government in which 1) the precepts of the majority religion have the force of law and 2) citizens must pledge to believe in it. In other words, the perfect political system! Progress towards this shining ideal has been stymied over the last 225 years by Liberals pursuing their vision of compulsory Atheism. Fortunately, with the recent spate of successful implementations of Theocracy around the world (how did they beat us out?!), a few more Votes (see Tax Cuts), and a fully-manned Supreme Court, we'll be there in no time!
Theoretical A type of Terrorist Threat representing something that hasn’t actually happened yet. Anyone wondering whether we care about these needs only look at how we feel about theory (see Evolution).
They’re Going To predict that someone will do something in the Future, like when Obama predicted “they're going to try to say…he doesn't look like all the Presidents on the dollar Bills.” This prediction came True almost instantly when McCain reminded Voters that Obama is black by accusing him of playing the Race Card.
Think Tank The one way a poli-sci graduate can contribute to humanity, at least until Liberals get around to opening a Think Tank with an actual point of view. Fortunately, that's probably impossible for them.
Three Rules of Dittohead Politics 1. If you’ve got a good record, tout your record. 2. If you’ve got a Compelling Vision, tout your vision. 3. If you’ve don’t have a good record or compelling vision, Bash the Liberal Media.
Timid Passing up an Opportunity to insult a Foreign Country, like Obama is behaving about Iran’s Contested Election, under the Weak Excuse of “not letting the dictators change the subject to the US.” Since we’re the best Country in the world (see Exceptionalism), why shouldn’t they be talking about us?!!
Told You So! 1. The favorite taunt of the playground know-it-all. 2. The heart of McCain’s Campaign Strategy. His principal Message to Voters is that only he and Bush were Right about the Surge and he’s not stopping until everyone on Earth agrees!
Toleration A quality frequently associated with the Senate, for example in Alaska Voter toleration of Senator Ted’s Felony Conviction and the Democratic Senators’ toleration of Lieberman’s more serious Political felony (expressing his conviction that colleagues should Lose to Republicans).
Ton of Speculation 1. What we said about criticism that the Iraq War would Cost ten times more than our original $50 billion estimate. 2. What we’re saying about criticism that the Iraq War will eventually cost four times more than the $600 billion price tag so far.
Tort The technical name for a lawsuit. Since the Military-Industrial complex acquired Government under Reagan, this is the last way left for a Citizen to stand up to Big Business. Being that it’s the final course, the dessert so to speak, it’s only Right that we’ll be gobbling up torts like tarts (see Reform).
Torture A special kind of meeting, most often taken with individuals who might know something about Saddam’s WMD (i.e., any Iraqi). While these get-togethers can be somewhat unpleasant (at least for the invitees), they’re no worse than your typical frat hijinks. They usually don’t even involve spanking.
Tough Love 1. Starting the younger generation off Right, by enrolling them in the School of Hard Knocks. They need to learn that sometimes Life isn’t fair, like when you have to Pay for things you didn’t buy. The extra Government goodies we’re getting by generously providing them this Debt lesson is merely a nice side benefit, like when you do the Moral thing and you get an unexpected reward. 2. A Conservative family practice. We won’t put up with dependency. If they don’t shape up, they’re on their own! Note: this applies only to Children, not Foreign Countries (see Iraq).
Tough on Oil Companies 1. A Democratic Senator grilling Oil Executives about their record Profits when Gas Prices are high. 2. An Alaska Republican Governor squeezing Oil companies for more Pork Money (thereby Increasing the Cost of Gas for the rest of us).
Trademark A process by which a particular product becomes Legally attached to its Owner, who jealously Protects it even while vigorously promoting it. An example is GOP ownership of the product Tax Cuts®
Training Our new plan for Victory in Iraq, which we are Confident will occur once we get them fully up to speed on our manner of governing. And it’s working! They’ve already got our incompetence down to a T.
Transcript The Enemy of Truth, since it means we'd have to actually be Accountable for how we Spin our Testimony. Whatever happened to Freedom of Speech! (OK, there's the Patriot Act, but that's about Terrorists, not Republicans).
Transient A short Period of time. We like how the term Surge implies a transient escalation of the Iraq War, since it makes Voters think about ocean surges that only last a second. This works well for us since our transient Increase will be at least 50,000,000 times longer. Now that’s word Power!
Trailer Trash A topic on the mind of Voters due to that recent Action by McCain, presenting America with a tawdry Vision of Celebrity stirred together with a soap opera Family Values situation. It just goes to show what can happen when a Woman from the sticks suddenly finds herself in the limelight! And not only Britney, but Paris too. (What - who did you think we were talking about?)
Trap Catching your Enemy in a clever setup, like going through the Speeches he’s given over the last year, picking out a word he uses a lot (Lipstick, say), using it your big speech, and then, the next time he uses the word, saying he insulted you.
Trash Talk An approach to Diplomacy that is a specialty of American sports. It involves a player shouting Inflated assessments of the opponent’s shortcomings. Since American sports are Number 1 on Earth, it’s clearly Ideal for a sports figure (say, a baseball team owner) to run American Foreign Policy as President.
Treason 1. Undermining your mates, like when Kerry worked to get his fellow Veterans brought home. This doesn’t apply to Zell, since he’s really our mate, not theirs. 2. Reporters doing things that embarrass us, like when their War videos catch bad stuff. 3. Generally, anything a Liberal does. Just ask Ann.
Treasury 1. (Archaic) The repository for US financial assets. 2. The repository for our IOUs to China.
Treatment 1. A jargon term used in the Bill collection Industry for the Strategy used to squeeze deadbeats. 2. A jargon term used by the Health Insurance Industry for a Medical procedure they try hard to make Patients Pay for, often forcing their Bankruptcy and turning them into deadbeats.
Treaty A way to get Foreign Countries to do what we want. The plus side is that our lawyers have determined that treaties don’t limit us. We don’t really like treaties, though – using the Military is just so much less of a hassle.
Trial Lawyers The group we most Love to Hate, because of all the Money they give to Democrats. There are Limits to how far we’re willing to go to spite them, however. For example, we’re against Health Care Reform even though it will cost trial Lawyers all the Business they’re now getting when Patients are forced to Sue Doctors when that can’t Pay Medical Bills for lack of Health Insurance.
Tribunals Courts set up to dispense Justice on Leaders who victimized entire populations. We don’t expect to see these in America, since we’ll hopefully be Dead before our Children want Payback for our Debt War on Posterity.
Tribulation As described in the Bible, “a period of upheaval, usually seven years in length, during which Satan will exert control over the earth through the antichrist. All but a small remnant of Christian faithful -- perhaps numbering 144,000 -- will die as a result of wars, plagues, and famine.”* Happily, the world's greatest superpower is in a unique position to set up the prerequisite international conditions defined in the Book of Revelation, and powerful Conservative politicians (see DeLay) are patriotically setting US Foreign Policy to make sure we get there sooner rather than later. (It'll be easier once we nuke the State Department). *Reference
Trigger-Happy The phrase that best summarizes the perspective of the Founding Fathers, combining as it does all the essentials of the Declaration of Independence. In fact, the second word is redundant, being that the first provides Life, Liberty, and happiness.
Trigger Lock A milestone far down the slippery slope to Gun confiscation, followed shortly by the victory of Communism. Liberals know this, and have been manufacturing Bogus dodges like “teen suicide” to confuse Voters. Fortunately, our Supreme Court has ensured that these dangerous devices will not get in the way of using your Gun (or your Dad's).
Trip A word with multiple meanings. When Democrats like Speaker Pelosi take a trip to a place like Syria, it’s bad behavior, like an LSD trip, or maybe like when you trip and fall and bust your buns while screwing around. When Republicans like the Congressmen who went the week before and after take that same trip, it’s like the trip of happy feet or a refreshing Vacation trip.
Turning Point An event that, like tomorrow, is always only a day away.
Two Thousand Five Hundred If a Trillion is a pittance, a number this small is hardly even worth thinking about.
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