Sher Wright's Devils Dictionary Project

Sher's Blog Archive Hits

3 AM The witching hour, when lady senators are "manning" the phones and old white male senators are loudly snoring.

Table 1) Where boys play with their toy soldiers 2) Where Bush keeps all of his options, including “ridiculous” options like invading a second Foreign Country in the Axis of Evil that we think is working on WMD (as opposed to already having them).

Tacit The kind of approval Bush said the Supreme Court gave him when they didn’t mention Gitmo while repudiating his Enemy Combatant Tribunals. By that Logic, their decision also tacitly approved his plans to Criminalize Abortion.

Taking Responsibility A form of Talk practiced by the GOP Speaker. This particular form does not involve any actual consequences.

Taliban A radical group formed when a superpower invaded a country to improve its form of Government. Instead, this country became a nest for terrorists. This was of course an improvement (see Flypaper).

Talk A cheap way of showing our Concern for Children. We can score easy points with Soccer Moms without Inconvenient action on pedophile congressmen (see Page), school shooters (see Gun), or their Future prospects (see Debt and Global Warming).

Talking Points Slang for Military brass lined up to spout the Pentagon line, based on the points on the stars on their shoulders.

Talk Radio Rush Radioland.

Target A place that won’t be around too much longer. (Trust us - this is a core Competence).

Tax 1. Evil criminal theft by Liberals, robbing Americans of their hard-earned dollars to fund soft-headed social experiments. 2. A source of capital for the enterprises that provide the very essentials of life: food (see Agriculture), Jobs, religion (see Religious Organization), transportation (see Airlines), and security (see Military). 3. The sword (along with Debt, the shield) by which Liberals will finally be exterminated.

Tax Cuts See Campaign Contributions.

Taxpayers A group with a vested interest in lower Taxes. Since every voter is also a taxpayer, all we need to do to get every Vote is to reduce taxes to zero. It’s foolproof!

TBI The Medical condition, meaning Traumatic Brain Injury, most associated with Iraq. It’s most associated with Iraq because it’s the best explanation for Bush getting us in there.

Teddy Another paragon of Conservative values. Forget Rushmore – we should dot out Teddy Roosevelt's face in Arctic National Wildlife Reserve Oil wells! (We need that space on the mountain for Ronnie anyway.)

Telegenic An actual Job characteristic sought by the Bush Administration in the search for a new FEMA head. While it may not be substantive, Liberal carpers have to admit it’s a step up from Crony (not that we won’t start looking there).

Television A device for turning Campaign Contributions into Officeholders.

Temporary A term sometimes employed for legal reasons to describe the first several years of a permanent change, especially as related to Tax Cuts.

Ten Commandments Our favorite is "Honor Thy Father and Mother." We want to make sure our Children hear that one in school so they have the right attitude when they have to make our Debt and Social Security payments.

Tenet A principle held as true. One of our most important tenets is that Saddam had WMD. Since we couldn’t abandon that tenet, we had to abandon the other Tenet.

Terminate To Fire for Job unsuitability. Contrary to popular opinion, we sometimes fire Officeholders (see Prosecutors) for non-Political reasons, for example the Loyal Bushie we canned because of gossip about Homosexuality.

Testify An act that 31 Clinton Aides performed on 46 occasions, and for which there is no Precedent for Bush Aides having to do (see Logic).

Testosterone The one Drug we won’t be getting from Foreign Countries! Happily, America is the global Leader (we take full credit).

Terrorist Someone who, driven by inflammatory language from pious Leaders, is ready to kill, maim, and intimidate in pursuit of his mission from God. Although the Clinics and Homosexual bars remain open, we can still take Pride in our Heroes out there defending Life and Right Values. (Note: this definition is brought to you by Eric Rudolph).

Tattoo Markings that 38% of Americans said they’d like to see forced onto Muslims to identify them. More confirmation that Dittohead really is the fastest growing language in America!

Texas The model State, with the most advanced Social Policy. The very cradle of modern Conservatism (see Rove - California lost its shot when Reagan went to the White House and the state went pinko.) Thanks to Pete Feistmann for the suggestion.

Thanksgiving A celebration of good relations between indigenous peoples and settlers. Maybe we’d better cool it before people in the Middle East start getting the wrong idea about how we feel about such things!

Theater A three-thousand year old craft that has reached its full flowering under playwright Karl Rove. His masterwork “Town Hall Meeting” is now playing to packed houses around the country. This groundbreaking play incorporates the avant-garde device of giving lines not only to the Actors on the stage but the audience as well, an innovation first introduced in Rove’s earlier work “Press Conference.”

Theme In the performing Arts, the music that accompanies the arrival of a particular character. Considering the airstrikes and Terrorist reaction that accompany our Adventures, our theme’s gotta be BOOM!

Theocracy A form of government in which 1) the precepts of the majority religion have the force of law and 2) citizens must pledge to believe in it. In other words, the perfect political system! Progress towards this shining ideal has been stymied over the last 225 years by Liberals pursuing their vision of compulsory Atheism. Fortunately, with the recent spate of successful implementations of Theocracy around the world (how did they beat us out?!), a few more Votes (see Tax Cuts), and a fully-manned Supreme Court, we'll be there in no time!

Theoretical A type of Terrorist Threat representing something that hasn’t actually happened yet. Anyone wondering whether we care about these needs only look at how we feel about theory (see Evolution).

Think Tank The one way a poli-sci graduate can contribute to humanity, at least until Liberals get around to opening a Think Tank with an actual point of view. Fortunately, that's probably impossible for them.

Thoughtful A word meaning “full of thoughts.” It’s a key characteristic of Dittoheads, the thoughts in Question being Rush’s.

Threaten Common courtesy to your Enemies extended by providing helpful reminders of what the Tit for Tat will be.

Threats A debating technique used by Conservatives to sharpen their Logic.

Tit for Tat The Result from an earlier act by another Party. When the other party is the GOP, the resulting Action is usually “rat-a-tat-tat.”

Tobacco The Bush Administration’s Nominee for US national plant.

Tolerance Acceptance of all People, no matter their background or what they believe, as long as they’re just like us.

Ton of Speculation 1. What we said about criticism that the Iraq War would Cost ten times more than our original $50 billion estimate. 2. What we’re saying about criticism that the Iraq War will eventually cost four times more than the $600 billion price tag so far.

Tort The technical name for a lawsuit. Since the Military-Industrial complex acquired Government under Reagan, this is the last way left for a Citizen to stand up to Big Business. Being that it’s the final course, the dessert so to speak, it’s only Right that we’ll be gobbling up torts like tarts (see Reform).

Torture A special kind of meeting, most often taken with individuals who might know something about Saddam’s WMD (i.e., any Iraqi). While these get-togethers can be somewhat unpleasant (at least for the invitees), they’re no worse than your typical frat hijinks. They usually don’t even involve spanking.

Tortured A quality generally associated with the Bush DOJ, whether related to Enemy Combatants or explanations for why Prosecutors were Fired.

Tough Love 1. Starting the younger generation off Right, by enrolling them in the School of Hard Knocks. They need to learn that sometimes Life isn’t fair, like when you have to Pay for things you didn’t buy. The extra Government goodies we’re getting by generously providing them this Debt lesson is merely a nice side benefit, like when you do the Moral thing and you get an unexpected reward. 2. A Conservative family practice. We won’t put up with dependency. If they don’t shape up, they’re on their own! Note: this applies only to Children, not Foreign Countries (see Iraq).

Toy Chinese capitalism’s new discovery for turning lead into Gold.

Training Our new plan for Victory in Iraq, which we are Confident will occur once we get them fully up to speed on our manner of governing. And it’s working! They’ve already got our incompetence down to a T.

Transcript The Enemy of Truth, since it means we'd have to actually be Accountable for how we Spin our Testimony. Whatever happened to Freedom of Speech! (OK, there's the Patriot Act, but that's about Terrorists, not Republicans).

Transient A short Period of time. We like how the term Surge implies a transient escalation of the Iraq War, since it makes Voters think about ocean surges that only last a second. This works well for us since our transient Increase will be at least 50,000,000 times longer. Now that’s word Power!

Trash Helpful Job Performance guidance provided to Department of Justice Prosecutors as to where they should put either 1) prospective Bush administration prosecutions or 2) their careers.

Trash Talk An approach to Diplomacy that is a specialty of American sports. It involves a player shouting Inflated assessments of the opponent’s shortcomings. Since American sports are Number 1 on Earth, it’s clearly Ideal for a sports figure (say, a baseball team owner) to run American Foreign Policy as President.

Treason 1. Undermining your mates, like when Kerry worked to get his fellow Veterans brought home. This doesn’t apply to Zell, since he’s really our mate, not theirs. 2. Reporters doing things that embarrass us, like when their War videos catch bad stuff. 3. Generally, anything a Liberal does. Just ask Ann.

Treasury 1. (Archaic) The repository for US financial assets. 2. The repository for our IOUs to China.

Treaty A way to get Foreign Countries to do what we want. The plus side is that our lawyers have determined that treaties don’t limit us. We don’t really like treaties, though – using the Military is just so much less of a hassle.

Tree According to Reagan, a source of pollution. Fortunately, our Forestry Service Policies are dealing with this problem very effectively.

Trend Positive news about the Economy. A trend that lasts more than a week is a recovery.

Tribunals Courts set up to dispense Justice on Leaders who victimized entire populations. We don’t expect to see these in America, since we’ll hopefully be Dead before our Children want Payback for our Debt War on Posterity.

Tribulation As described in the Bible, “a period of upheaval, usually seven years in length, during which Satan will exert control over the earth through the antichrist. All but a small remnant of Christian faithful -- perhaps numbering 144,000 -- will die as a result of wars, plagues, and famine.”^* Happily, the world's greatest superpower is in a unique position to set up the prerequisite international conditions defined in the Book of Revelation, and powerful Conservative politicians (see DeLay) are patriotically setting US Foreign Policy to make sure we get there sooner rather than later. (It'll be easier once we nuke the State Department). ^*Reference

Trigger-Happy The phrase that best summarizes the perspective of the Founding Fathers, combining as it does all the essentials of the Declaration of Independence. In fact, the second word is redundant, being that the first provides Life, Liberty, and happiness.

Trigger Lock A milestone far down the slippery slope to Gun confiscation, followed shortly by the victory of Communism. Liberals know this, and have been manufacturing Bogus dodges like “teen suicide” to confuse Voters. Fortunately, our Supreme Court has ensured that these dangerous devices will not get in the way of using your Gun (or your Dad's).

Trillion A synonym for “small.” When Liberals whine that Posterity will have to come up with ten trillion dollars in new Taxes to pay off our Debt with Interest, we answer “And your point is?”

Trio Three harmonious players together keeping perfect time, for example, Scalia, Thomas, and Roberts. If you want volume, add a fourth (see Alito).

Trip A word with multiple meanings. When Democrats like Speaker Pelosi take a trip to a place like Syria, it’s bad behavior, like an LSD trip, or maybe like when you trip and fall and bust your buns while screwing around. When Republicans like the Congressmen who went the week before and after take that same trip, it’s like the trip of happy feet or a refreshing Vacation trip.

Trivia Useless information of interest only to Liberal wonks, usually about how Government can solve problems. Every Conservative knows this is impossible, as Bush has shown very clearly!

Troops A group whose concerns are of no Concern, as judged by GOP Votes against giving them a breather between deployments. No surprise there - we hate Welfare in any form!

Trust the People The foundation of modern Conservatism, as expressed in Bush’s last “Cooperation” State of the Union speech. We trust them to want more Pork, Tax Cuts, and Silence on Deficits.

Truth A kind of statement used by Conservatives only by Mistake, for example when Bush said that his War on terror can't be won.

Tube Any cylindrical object manufactured by Saddam’s Iraq. Tubes are used in nuclear programs, so that’s what he must have made them for (see Logic).

Turnabout Unfair play by Liberals, who are now copying Conservative Media tactics like ranting and derision. Next thing you know they’ll be Lying!

Turning Point An event that, like tomorrow, is always only a day away.

Turn the Other Cheek The Church of Conservatism’s golden rule. Someone crosses us, no problem! As soon as we get Payback (see Rove), we forget all about it.

Tweaks Minor adjustments to Liberties to deal with Terrorists, for example indefinite detention of citizens without trial.

Two Thousand Five Hundred If a Trillion is a pittance, a number this small is hardly even worth thinking about.

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