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Sher's Blog Archive Hits This is What Treason Really Looks Like, Ann White House Prayer Meetings as a Substitute for Ethical Behavior This Ain't Your Grandma's Party! Sher's Ratios: Sex to Scandal and Mischief to Money Fourth Grade Economics Midterm My Pitch to the Club for Growth
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Let's Play Win Win! [today’s closed captioning is provided by Kaption King] (¯ ¯) Announcer> Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Win-Win, the game show where a win-win on the environment is always a possibility! And here is our host, Newcomb “Nook” Dewales! Nook> Thanks George, welcome everyone, and let’s play Win-Win! We’ve selected two contestants at random from the studio audience Contestant Number 1, who are you, where are you from, and why do you think you’ve got what it takes to play Win-Win? Contestant #1> Hi Nook, I’m Ray P. Deland from Crawford, Texas, and I’ve got just the right attitude to play this game! I’ve voted straight Republican my entire life and I think global warming is a fraud! Nook> Whoa, Ray, that’s a pretty solid background! And our next contestant? Contestant #2> Wow, Nook, this is really exciting! I’m Penny Pincher From Peoria, Illinois. I don’t know much about the whole environmental thing, by my family could sure use some extra money! Nook> Well, Penny, that’s always a good reason to play Win-Win! Audience, what do we say on this show? Audience> Greed is Good! Greed works! (applause) Nook > (laughs) That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! OK, Ray. You’re up first. Remember, you’re going for the jeweled Win-Win wedge - 10 million dollars, automatic win, and no environmental impact on future generations! Avoid the three bankruptcy wedges: you lose your points and we all get stuck with a new Superfund site The other 21 wedges have a payoff for you and an environmental risk for future generations! Everybody ready? OK, let’s play Win-Win! Ray, give the wheel a good spin! (sound of wheel turning) (squeals) Nook> That was a close one on that bankruptcy wedge, Ray! But you landed on $500,000 and risk of coastal flooding So what do you think, Ray? Coastal flooding could be pretty bad! Are you sure you want to risk this? Ray> [deleted] Yes, Nook! It probably won’t happen, and we’ve got smart scientists who can stop it if it does. Besides, all of the Delands live inland. (applause and whistles) Nook> (laughs) OK, Ray! You’ve got $500,000 and future generations have a risk of coastal flooding! Penny, your turn! (sound of wheel turning) Penny> Win-Win! Win-Win! Nook> OK, Penny, you landed on $600,000 and risk of desertification. You can pull ahead of Ray if you accept that risk for future generations! Penny> Oh, Nook, this is so hard! I’m not sure it’s right to… (sound of loud buzzer) Nook> Sorry, Penny! “I’m not sure it’s right” is our sucker phrase for today! Ray automatically wins and gets all your points! [Penny good-naturedly slaps her forehead and Ray does an arm-pump.] Nook> George, we’re not going to let Penny go away empty handed, are we? What are her consolation prizes? Announcer> Nook, on Win-Win everyone who plays wins! We’ve got a fine assortment of products from nonrenewable sources that will not only help Penny maintain her modern lifestyle but will become even more valuable as these resources are depleted! Nook> Now that’s what I call a win-win! (laughter and applause) Nook> Well, congratulations, Ray! You’ve won a grand total of one million one hundred thousand dollars, you narrowly avoided an immediate environmental disaster that would have cost you the game, and future generations now have a risk of coastal flooding and desertification! How do you feel? Ray> I’m really thankful for the chance to play, Nook! Win-Win is very popular in Crawford, and getting a chance at the big bucks has always been my dream! You can’t lose at this game if you’ve got the right attitude! Nook> And you sure do, Ray! Well, that’s it, ladies and gentlemen! Thanks for playing Win-Win, where a win-win on the environment is always a possibility! (applause) (¯ ¯) |
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