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Let's Play Win Win!

[todayís closed captioning is provided by Kaption King]

 (Į Į)

Announcer> Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Win-Win, the game show where a win-win on the environment is

 always a possibility!

And here is our host, Newcomb ďNookĒ Dewales!

Nook> Thanks George, welcome everyone, and letís play Win-Win! Weíve selected two contestants at

random from the studio audience

Contestant Number 1, who are you, where are you from,

and why do you think youíve got what it takes to play Win-Win?

Contestant #1> Hi Nook, Iím Ray P. Deland from Crawford, Texas, and Iíve got just the right attitude to play this game!

Iíve voted straight Republican my entire life and I think global warming is a fraud!

Nook> Whoa, Ray, thatís a pretty solid background! And our next contestant?

 Contestant #2> Wow, Nook, this is really exciting! Iím Penny Pincher From Peoria, Illinois. I donít know

much about the whole environmental thing, by my family could sure use some extra money!

Nook> Well, Penny, thatís always a good reason to play Win-Win! Audience, what do we say on this show?

Audience> Greed is Good! Greed works!

(applause)

Nook > (laughs) Thatís right, ladies and gentlemen! OK, Ray. Youíre up first. Remember, youíre going for the jeweled Win-Win

wedge - 10 million dollars, automatic win, and no environmental impact on future generations! Avoid the three bankruptcy

wedges: you lose your points and we all get stuck with a new Superfund site

 The other 21 wedges have a payoff for you and an environmental risk for future generations! Everybody ready?

 OK, letís play Win-Win! Ray, give the wheel a good spin!

 (sound of wheel turning)  

(squeals)

Nook> That was a close one on that bankruptcy wedge, Ray! But you landed on $500,000 and risk of coastal flooding

So what do you think, Ray? Coastal flooding could be pretty bad! Are you sure you want to risk this?

Ray> [deleted] Yes, Nook! It probably wonít happen, and weíve got smart scientists who can stop it if it does.

Besides, all of the Delands live inland.

(applause and whistles)

Nook> (laughs) OK, Ray! Youíve got $500,000 and future generations have a risk of coastal flooding! Penny, your turn!

(sound of wheel turning)

Penny>  Win-Win! Win-Win!

Nook> OK, Penny, you landed on $600,000 and risk of desertification. You can pull ahead

of Ray if you accept that risk for future generations!

Penny> Oh, Nook, this is so hard! Iím not sure itís right toÖ

(sound of loud buzzer)

Nook> Sorry, Penny! ďIím not sure itís rightĒ is our sucker phrase for today! Ray automatically wins

and gets all your points!

[Penny good-naturedly slaps her forehead and Ray does an arm-pump.]

Nook> George, weíre not going to let Penny go away empty handed, are we? What are her consolation prizes?

 Announcer> Nook, on Win-Win everyone who plays wins! Weíve got a fine assortment of products

from nonrenewable sources that will not only help Penny maintain her modern lifestyle but will become even more valuable as these resources are depleted!

Nook> Now thatís what I call a win-win!

(laughter and applause)

Nook> Well, congratulations, Ray! Youíve won a grand total of one million one hundred thousand dollars,

you narrowly avoided an immediate environmental disaster that would have cost you the game, and

future generations now have a risk of coastal flooding and desertification! How do you feel?

Ray> Iím really thankful for the chance to play, Nook! Win-Win is very popular in Crawford,

and getting a chance at the big bucks has always been my dream! You canít lose at this game if youíve got the right attitude!

Nook> And you sure do, Ray!

Well, thatís it, ladies and gentlemen! Thanks for playing Win-Win, where a win-win on the environment is always a possibility!

(applause)

(Į Į)

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