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The Emperor’s New Security Blanket

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Redd, King George (affectionately known as “Dub You” for his habit of making knights) was casting about for a way to reward the Great Lords of Redd who served as his Base. He turned to his trusted Chamberlain, Karl of Roave. “O Our wise architect of policy, craft Us a boon for the Great Houses of Redd.” Karl knew full well the King’s commitments to his Base and so had already hatched a plan. “Great King, a mighty alignment of the fates will give us both a boon to the Great Lords even while striking against the Beast.” “Speak on, Chamberlain!” the King implored, and he listened to Lord Roave’s plan with raptness, for his hatred of the Beast was legendary among the subjects of Redd. “Your Highness, the simple common folk of Redd love the Beast because of the warm security blankets spun from his shedding. We must offer them blankets crafted instead by the Great Lords.” “Fool, what fuzziness of math is this! What interest do the Great Lords have in the security of serfs! Have you become a leebrool?” (using the Redd term for idiot.) “Nay, Sire. We will tell the people that if they make their weekly, monthly, or semi-monthly offerings to the Great Lords rather than the Beast, they will get larger blankets with increased coverage.” “The sound of your plan is interesting, Lord Roave, but what of those who have already made a lifetime of offerings to the Beast? From where is their security blanket to come?” “Sire, you know how in our great Kingdom there is one born every minute, and the great multitude of Redds give you their full faith and allegiance. You must proclaim to them they will receive special security blankets financed using Baw Ring, whose magic turns a tiny trickle of gold into a mighty flood of spending. And because Baw Ring gold trickles down through the Nyork Lords of Baw Ring, the Beast is starved.” “That is fine, Lord Roave” said the King, “but what if your magical Baw Ring doesn’t work?” “Simple, my King. We will pretend that your heirs are foresworn to pass out security blankets, telling our trusting Redds that any who think their’s won’t be there are leebrools!

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