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This Ain't Your Grandma's Party!

The following story was inspired by the RNC speeches and interviews presenting Bush’s GOP as a “big tent party” with “plenty of room for moderates.”

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl named Red Riding Hood who received an invitation from her beloved Grandmother to come to her party. Grandma was holding the event in honor of Madison, her pet goat, who lived in the garden outside of Grandma’s house. Little Red Riding Hood loved her Grandma, and wanted to be like her in every way. She appreciated the proper values that Grandma taught her: that she should be friendly with her neighbors, should be thrifty and put aside money for a rainy day, should always take good care of her home and even the wild animals in the woods, and, most of all, that she should always tell the truth. So at the end of the Summer Red Riding Hood started off for the party in Madison’s garden. However, unknown to Riding Hood, a big bad wolf had snuck in and gobbled her Grandma up! Then, as Riding Hood approached the garden with its big party tent, the wolf saw her coming and decided he needed her for dessert. So the wolf quickly dressed up in Grandma’s clothes and sat down right in the center of the big tent. Little Red Riding Hood, walking into the garden, was at first sure she had arrived at Grandma’s party. After all, she could see Grandma’s beloved gnome statues – the ones she called Abe, Teddy, and Ike. And there was the big tent that Grandma had told her about. But there was something different about Grandma. She said, “Grandma, what big eyes you have!” The Wolf said “the better to see what you’re all up to, My Dear.” Then Little Red Riding Hood said “Grandma, what big claws you have.” The Wolf said “the better to show the neighbors who’s boss, My Dear.” Then Little Red Riding Hood said “Grandma, what a big mouth you have.” And the Wolf said “the better to gobble everything up, My Dear, and you’re next!” Little Red Riding Hood screamed, and her cries attracted a soldier who was passing by. “What’s going on?” he shouted, but before Red Riding Hood could say anything, the Wolf said “She’s a tax loving tree hugging Liberal!” The soldier was initially confused, but then quickly realized the truth of his words. “Sorry, carry on,” he said, and the Wolf showed Little Red Riding Hood just what he thought upcoming generations were good for. And the Wolf and the soldier lived happily ever after in Grandma’s big tent.



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