The Party with the Fringe on Top

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The Party with the Fringe on Top

All political groups have fringe elements, but they’re usually off to the side, far from the corridors of power. A special characteristic of the Big-C Conservatives is that the radical fringe is in charge of the whole shootin’ match! Why do Republicans give the fringe so much political power? Because Big-C Conservative politicians realize that the fringe, as the most “energetic” of the groups in the party (putting it as nicely as possible) are also the groups that will provide the most political contributions when they are catered to (or, as they say inside the Beltway, when they are thrown some “red meat”). In turn, the GOP uses the funds generated by fringe group political contributions to fund massive negative advertising for swaying undecided voters. This leverages a significant Republican advantage: the enormous wealth of many in their fringe. This merits a song, don’t you think?

To the tune of Surrey With the Fringe on Top from Oklahoma! Original Words

Libs and dykes and greens will be sorry
When we take them out with our party
When we take them out with our party with the fringe on top!
Watch our fringe and see how they flutter
When we go for guns over butter
Euro wimps’ll peek thru' their shutters and their eyes will pop!
The pols are white and the meat is red
The taxes are light as a feather
The drills are spinning and the owls are dead
And warmin’ is the weather!
Antonin and Clarence are winkin’
Goodbye precedents I’m a-thinkin’
You can eat your hat if your thinkin’ that we’ll ever stop
We’re that Grand Old Party with the fringe at the top!
All the world’ll see no malarkey
When we show them what with our party
When we show them what with our party with the fringe on top!
When we hit the Axis with missiles
Cons will dance as falling nukes whistle
Birds and frogs’ll cook in the thistles and the toads will pop!
The chamber’s busy and the shots are hot
The straps are genuine leather
The jails are crowded but the clubs are not
Will they get in, boys? No never!
Don’t you know we’ll go on forever?
Don’t you know we’ll go on forever?
Don’t you know we’ll go on forever and we’ll never stop?
We’re that Grand Old Party with the fringe at the top!