The Sad Story of My Uncle Sam
Dear Mom:
This is about your brother Sam. You know I’m the only other one in the family
who lives in DC so I’ve tried to make a special effort to keep up with him. I’m
afraid the news isn’t good, Mom. He has so much potential and you know how well
he was he doing towards realizing it! Everyone in the neighborhood looking up to
him, active in the community, even on the Town Council. House and yard always
well kept, people coming from all over town to see. The kids were popular, their
friends always coming by for tutoring. And he was so well respected at work. He
worked hard, took less time off than anyone else in town, and you know how
talented he is, he was always blowing away his quotas. Not that his boss JQ ever
has anything nice to say. Maybe you’ve heard about him. His name is John Cue but
publicly he’s called JQ. A real tough guy. Anyway, the town’s regard for Sam
even extended to his hobby. I don’t need to tell you how much he’s always loved
his gun collection, but I don’t know if you’ve heard how successful he has been
with it. Or at least used to be. It was actually internationally known. Wherever
he took it he always blew away the competition hands down. It actually got to
the point that the other collectors stopped bothering to try to match it.
The trouble started with a slump in business around the town. No big deal,
really. You have to expect that sometimes business will be up and sometimes
it’ll be down. Sam just wasn’t used to falling short of quota after being on top
for so long. He took it hard, and his when customers sensed his diminished
confidence things just got worse. Soon he was in the middle of a full-fledged
energy crisis. JQ didn’t help, chewing Sam out in public. Then Sam hooked up
with someone who told him he had some “medicine” that would stimulate him out of
the doldrums. Sam tried it and excitedly told me about how well it worked. I
don’t know if it was the drug or Sam’s new confidence, but sales soon picked up
again, and the next thing we knew the old Sam seemed to be back. He even made
some major additions to his collection. I was worried, though. He seemed just a
little too enthusiastic about this “medicine,” and it seemed to me that despite
outward appearances it was affecting his health.
Then his good friend Bill confronted him about this “medicine” and discovered
what it really was. It was methamphetamine, the drug called meth or speed on the
street! I’m sure you’ve heard how it works, Mom. It makes you feel like you have
all the energy in the world for a while, but it can really screw you up if you
keep taking it. Bill finally talked Sam into getting rid of the speed, and Sam
himself was the one most amazed by how well he could do without it. His health
started to return, and we all were greatly relieved that he had left this bad
habit behind him.
Unfortunately, that’s not the end of the story, Mom. I’m afraid the rest isn’t
very good news. Bill had to move to New York, and shortly after a local pusher,
a Texan named GW, got Sam to try some more speed “for old time’s sake.” I
have to say we were all shocked by how quickly Sam succumbed. I guess we never
realized how hooked he really was. As luck would have it there was soon another
slowdown at work, and this gave GW the chance to really get his hooks into Sam.
Unfortunately for Sam, his body had built up a resistance to speed over the
years so that it took more and more to get the stimulus he was looking for. JQ
was no help. He just wanted as much output as he could get out of Sam, and if
Sam was taking “medicine” that made him produce more, then all the better.
Awful!
I paid Sam a visit the other day, Mom, and he looked terrible. I barely
recognized him. The house was a mess, trash all over the yard. The kids won’t
have anything to do with him since they caught him emptying their bank accounts
to pay for his habit. He’s even lost interest in his gun collection, now covered
with dust and rust. His neighbors avoid him because he keeps hitting them up for
a loan, and sure enough as soon as I got in the door he came right out and asked
me for money, to “help get him back on his feet.” Of course, you know what he
wanted the money for. When I confronted him, he actually admitted it! He said
his habit was “manageable,” he just needed a little of the money for the drug
“to take the edge off.” I told him he needed to quit cold turkey, and he didn’t
want to hear it. “I need the drug to stay at my peak at work,” he said, and
wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell him that it was really degrading his
performance and that someday he wouldn’t be able to work at all.
On the way out one of GW’s boys told me to “watch myself.” They have a
reputation for being pretty rough when it comes to protecting their “business.”
They’ve got all of Sam’s other friends spooked because GW has JQ’s ear and JQ is
the most powerful man in town. Nobody wants to be out of JQ’s good graces. I
guess I can’t blame them; they know GW will say anything to get his way. I don’t
relish the idea of going up against him and his gang, Mom, but if not me, who
will it be?
I’m sorry the news isn’t better, Mom. Let’s just hope that Sam comes to his
senses soon.
Your Loving Son
Mom's Picture
And then come back for Bush's Fix for Government
Revenues
